Girlin’ it up
My wife says I have ugly toenails. Not anymore. One of the gifts I got for Christmas from her was a gift certificate for a spa pedicure. Sure, it may ruin my gun blogging street cred to confess that I had soaked my tootsies in some sort of oatmeal bath, my cuticles removed, nails trimmed, nails buffed and nails treated with a variety of chemicals. I also had my feet scrubbed with a combination of coco butter, sugar and some sort of rejuvenating oil. Then, there was the excellent lower leg massage. All the while, I was sitting in a nice, comfy massaging chair.
Guys, do yourselves a favor and get a spa pedicure, it’ll be worth it. You don’t have to tell anyone. And, girls, if you’re looking for a gift idea for that beau in your life, get him one. You (and he) won’t regret it.
January 7th, 2006 at 8:13 am
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn’t seem to be hurting him, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! He is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch…nice, comfy massaging chair!
[JARRING CHORD]
[Zoom into Fang’s horrified face]
Fang [terrified]: The…nice, comfy massaging chair?
[Biggles pushes in a nice, comfy massaging chair — a really plush one]
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put him in the nice, comfy massaging chair!
[They roughly push him into the nice, comfy massaging chair]
Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now — you will stay in the nice, comfy massaging chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, man. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!
January 7th, 2006 at 10:11 am
Maybe it doesn’t count since I am a chick, but I don’t think any less of you. I went to a spa for the first time in November and can’t wait to go back sometime. I would recommend it to anyone, male or female. I don’t understand how anyone could dislike a business dedicated and designed around making you feel as relaxed as possible.
January 7th, 2006 at 10:29 am
The bravest thing you have ever done.
January 7th, 2006 at 11:26 am
To paraphrase Jack Handy, It takes a big man to go to the spa, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
/tongue in cheek
January 7th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
I promise I won’t think less of you – but only if you cradle something that has full automatic capability with a minimum of tinkering while you do it.
While we’re on the topic, my toes aren’t pretty either, but that’s from 15 years of playing soccer. What’s your excuse? =)
Nathan
http://www.moorethoughts.com
January 7th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
What’s your excuse?
Genetics.
January 7th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Wife has been threatening to get me the same thing for awhile. So far I’ve resisted, though she did drag me to an Aveda spa once. it was about the most relaxing 45 minutes of my life. When the masseuse left, I just laid there in pure ecstasy for 15 or 20 minutes.
I’m sure the pedicure would be pretty cool too . . . and I think I will add that to my master guaranteed-to-succeed-male-spa-barbershop business plan idea (that must because of current US laws on such things be located in Amsterdam). So far, the only hurdle has been my wife. She thinks I need to get my head out of the gutter.
And no Bitter, its not paying for sex if your actually just paying what women already pay for a nice haircut 🙂
January 7th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
I actually went and got a pedicure with my wife maybe six months ago. We got side-by-side pedicures. It was kind of nice to have someone wash my feet, and disturbing how much crud they were able to scrape off of the tops of my toenails (and they tell me mine were fairly clean compared to what they’re used to), but I’m not sure I’d willingly pay $35 for it again.
January 7th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Bitter:
I have a love/hate relationship with the spa industry. I’m all about getting my wife the massages and so forth, but most spas tend to peddle a bunch of hippie crap quackery (like “reflexology”) as if it somehow permanently cures ailments and does you lots of good beyond just relaxing you. If they went the hedonistic “do it because it feels good” route, I’d totally be okay with that. But instead, they go for the “it’s good for you, it will make you healthier” route, which is utter B.S.
I’ve long thought about opening a spa the eschews all the mumbo-jumbo bullshit and simply offers the treatments because they’re relaxing and they feel good.
January 7th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
“Guys, do yourselves a favor and get a spa pedicure, it’ll be worth it. You don’t have to tell anyone.”
Oh, indeed. I’m all about the pedicures.
It shouldn’t be a once a week thing or nothing but once or twice a year is definately something to consider if you’re willing to part with the cash for something like that.
January 7th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
Melissa and I went to a spa two days before our wedding and it was great. We were way stressed from wedding planning and it was just what we needed.
tgirsch: Yep, and that’s not only how I feel about spas. It’s how I feel about yoga. I like the cool exercise without the mysticism? Luckily there are yoga instructors out there like that.
January 7th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
its not paying for sex if your actually just paying what women already pay for a nice haircut
Ha! Due to the thickness and (former) length of my hair, I’ve been known to part with nearly $200 for a haircut & color. I don’t know how much or what quality sex you’d get for that. I’m not sure what the going rates are these days.
most spas tend to peddle a bunch of hippie crap quackery
I’m hardly one to fall for “hippie crap quackery,” but I don’t give a damn what they call it as long as it feels good. Although some people consider my visits to a chiropractor as signs that I’m into that crazy hippie stuff. But again, if I didn’t have noticeable results (like no neck pain for the first time in my entire life), then I would quit going.
So while we’re on the topic, what other unexpected ideas do you guys have for gifts from ladies? Believe it or not, you’re typically pretty hard to shop for.
January 8th, 2006 at 1:14 am
Bitter: check out SureFire flashlights and A.G. Russell knives. If you order a custom version of one of those Russell knives it can take a year or more. The backlog is huge. Non-custom knives are pretty readily available, though.
Something else really nice: put together a picture book or scrapbook. I got one of those a few years ago I really like.
January 8th, 2006 at 1:53 am
“Guys, do yourselves a favor and get a spa pedicure, it’ll be worth it. You don’t have to tell anyone.”
Real men don’t even HAVE toenails…
😉
January 8th, 2006 at 2:58 am
. I don’t know how much or what quality sex you’d get for that. I’m not sure what the going rates are these days.
Couldn’t tell you either. I’d hope though that you could get a lot and good quality sex for that. In Amsterdam, from what I have been told, it costs less than that.
So while we’re on the topic, what other unexpected ideas do you guys have for gifts from ladies? Believe it or not, you’re typically pretty hard to shop for.
Knives are good. Reloading supplies. Ammo always works. New underwear. New socks. Tickets to sporting events (its hockey season!!!!)
January 8th, 2006 at 6:01 am
Aww man, you didn’t just post about your toenails on the internet did you? Have some dignity man!
January 8th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
fag.
January 9th, 2006 at 1:50 am
Bitter:
Re: hippie crap quackery, it bothers me when businesses actively peddle bullshit, even if I personally don’t fall for it. There are plenty of others less-well-informed than you and I, many of whom can probably less afford to throw money at an ineffective treatment. It’s one thing if you’re doing it because it feels good, that’s fine. But if you’re doing it because you think it’s going to solve a serious problem, there’s a serious ethical concern there.
Re: chiropractic, I’ve never needed it, but from what I understand, it’s great for back and neck pain. But again, that’s another industry that tends to wrap a lot of quackery around what they do, claiming that it will improve circulation, help relieve other illnesses, etc.; all stuff that’s patently false. You go to a chiropracter to get your back and neck adjusted, and that’s it. And they could probably make plenty selling just that without the quackery, frankly.
Re: Gifts for men, sports tickets are a good idea, where affordable and appropriate. I find things like tools to be a bad idea, because if I need a tool, it’s either too expensive for someone else to buy for me, or I just buy it myself. Though some people find them tacky, I’m a big fan of gift certificates. And maybe this makes me a pussy, but I know I’m not alone when I say that a lot of guys actually like to receive flowers once in a blue moon.
January 9th, 2006 at 9:11 am
a lot of guys actually like to receive flowers once in a blue moon
Wow, you guys are confessing all sorts of good secrets. Spas…flowers… I’m not one to judge, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get a good chuckle out of it.
January 9th, 2006 at 9:49 am
You sir, are a fancy man, with multiple weapon’s.
January 9th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Flowers? nahhh… not to be all macho, but for what flowers cost I’d much rather get a couple boxes of ammo, some little dohicky for my camera, a reloading dohicky, some tool of some sort for my workshop, or generally something that I’d either buy otherwise, or something that I wouldn’t buy otherwise, but I’d use. I’m not so big on the expensive-but-not-useful gifts. Food is good, flowers, not so much. Anyway, it seems females like to get flowers at the office (my wife never complains when I send her some there) partially to make their coworkers jealous. To a similar end, I would think a guy toy would have a greater effect than flowers. And it covers the “thoughtfulness” angle too.
Knives are an excellent suggestion, by the way. If you’re not trying to spend to much, a Gerber knife isn’t a bad idea. I think everyone would prefer a custom knife, as countertop suggested, and the knife snobs, errr… geeks (/tongue in cheek) may well their noses at the idea, but stuff I use on a daily basis gets pretty banged up, so having a $25 knife to take the beating is a good thing.
January 9th, 2006 at 9:58 am
I missed tgirsch’s comment about tools being a bad idea. He’s got a point. I hadn’t thought about that aspect… so, yeah, as nice as getting a tool would be, it’d probably be pretty tough to pull off. So, caveat emptor and stuff. Gift certificates are definitely good. And I’m a big fan of taking the receipitient/being taken to the store to get a gift. My wife enjoys (or seems to) going to the store to pick somehting out for her, and I like going to the store with her to pick out something for me.
So, suggestion: if the guy in question has some hobby (and we all do) take him to a store that caters to said hobby and browse with him for a while (try to disregard the drool he’ll get on display cases, tools, etc) and help him (or just watch him) pick something out. I had tons of fun with my wife this Christmas picking out my present. (A K31–and it did have the previous owner’s address in the butt-plate!) The hard part was waiting until Christmas morning to strip it down to clean it and check under the butt plate!
January 9th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
“I don’t know how much or what quality sex you’d get for that. I’m not sure what the going rates are these days.”
average rate in nevada is about 400…marginal revolution today.
“So while we’re on the topic, what other unexpected ideas do you guys have for gifts from ladies? Believe it or not, you’re typically pretty hard to shop for.”
Most women just don’t have the inherent knowlege. I spend many hours aquiring large amount of data about things I want to buy. I research ever little detail. Most guys have hobbies, but they know so much about the indiviudal parts of their hobby that no one can really jump in real quick and get them somthing for their hobby, even if you have know them for years.
Though i would like to point out, that I was kinda miffed when i told my girlfriend what I wanted and did not get it.
January 11th, 2006 at 12:40 am
I can’t believe you admitted it.
January 11th, 2006 at 6:48 pm
Around The Blogosphere #32 (Open Trackback)
The “Stinky Stabby McStabstab Rap Party of Stinky Toenails” edition in the continuing saga of interesting and thought provoking news from around the web. There’s sure to be something you’ve missed around the Blogosphere. (All links open in a new…