Dubya debates Saddam
President Bush and Saddam Hussein engaged in a debate. Following is a transcript of the debate:
Moderator: So, let’s start with the big one: Should the US invade Iraq?
Bush: Absolutely. This guy is insane. I mean, look what he does to his people, his violations of weapons sanctions, he’s a threat to his neighbors, and his mustache is gay.
Hussein: Look, I’m not a threat to anyone you know, I mean I keep it local. UN Resolution 666 specifically states the Iraqi government may, at its leisure, kill as many Iraqis as is necessary, so long as those Iraqis are physically located within the borders of Iraq. I’m not a threat to anyone that anybody cares about. And the chicks dig the ‘stache!
Bush: That may be the case but the US has a long history of not minding its own business, particularly when it involves killing people. This guy tried to kill my dad, ferchrissakes. Plus, the French like him and that’s just creepy.
Hussein: Yeah, I’m really sorry about that trying to kill your dad thing. I dunno what I was thinking. I mean, it’s not like I had a snowball’s chance in the Muslim word for Hell of actually pulling it off.
Bush: What about the French thing?
Hussein: Look, I don’t know why the French like me. I mean, it’s not like I like them. I just want to be loved. And if you won’t love me, I’ll kill you, errr, I mean I’ll kill a few thousand of my own people.
Bush: So, you admit the French like you?
Hussein: I guess. But I don’t really give a camel’s ass about them. You want to invade the French together?
Bush: [in deep thought for a good 30 to 45 seconds] I’ll have to ask Karl. No wait, I looked it up yesterday. I don’t have to ask Karl, I’m the President. That sounds like a good idea. It’s sure to increase my popularity and no one will really oppose it, except the French. They’re that way, ya know, always opposing stuff.
Hussein: So, shall I have my people call your people and begin drafting a UN Resolution authorizing the invasion of France.
Bush: Sure. But one question: Who would surrender first, the Republican Guard or the French?
Hussein: That’s not funny.
Bush: Yeah it is. Actually, we don’t need you involved. We’ll just invade France ourselves, we don’t need no stinkin’ resolutions.
Hussein: Heh, yeah right. We see where that got you.
Bush: D’oh! Ok, in an effort to make it not seem like we’re all unilateral and stuff, we can write it together.
Hussein: Cool! Wanna kiss and make up?
Bush: No. You tried to kill my dad.
Hussein: I’m sorry about that. Wanna hug?
Bush: Sure. It’s a small step towards peace between our nations.
Hussein: You’re OK, Dubya. Can I call you that? Dubya?
Bush: No.
Hussein: Please, Dubya.
Bush: No, knock that shit off. [Leaves kind of annoyed] Yells: George is getting upset!
Moderator: Well, in a landmark move towards peace, Iraq and the US just agreed to invade France together. Back to you, Shep.
