I don’t have a problem with vegetarians but I have a problem with self-righteousness. A while back, a coworker went to great lengths to explain to me that eating meat was wrong and we should not harm our animal friends. I respect her commitment to her cause but, I am sorry, I enjoy the hell out of rosemary prime rib*. And her generally pissy attitude wouldn’t have persuaded me to change my ways. I will always be mostly carnivorous (I do like salads). In fact, I view chicken as a side dish. I like the red meat.

After said coworker goes to great lengths to explain to me how chickens, cows and pigs are born, raised, and slaughtered and how appalling it is; and how wrong it is for me to eat meat; I made this point:

I’m pretty sure that cows and chickens don’t naturally occur any where in the world today. So I conclude that were it not for human intervention that chickens and cows would be extinct. Here’s why:

Cows are stupid, slow-moving, herd animals. They are easy to kill. If humans had not domesticated cows, I think (given our history with stupid, slow-moving, herd animals) that humans would have caused these bovines to go extinct.

Chickens are dumber than cows. They’re also slower than cows. And they can’t even fly (longest recorded flight of a chicken was thirteen seconds and it probably involved a tall building and a gust of wind). My veggie friend claimed that current chickens go from egg to slaughterhouse in six weeks, due to chemicals and things that are fed to them. I can grow chickens faster than I can grow rosemary for my prime rib (I have no intent of trying to grow chickens as I’m pretty sure my subdivision restrictions prevent it, but rosemary is OK). If humans didn’t consume chickens (given our history with flightless birds), I’m pretty sure they’d be extinct as well.

Pigs do exist in the wild and are largely viewed as a nuisance and hunted. Of course, most pigs are feral but they are smart enough to exist on their own. And they’re meaner than hell.

I’m no biologist, but I’m certain the original animals that chickens and cows evolved from probably bear little resemblance to current cows or chickens. Also, I don’t even know that they currently exist.

We’re doing cows and chickens are great favor by eating them. We ensure the continuation of the species, which is what it’s all about.

* Recipe for rosemary prime rib

Equal parts fresh rosemary, paprika, salt, and fresh ground pepper. Garlic to taste. Chop in food processor until rosemary and garlic is finally diced. Rub mixture directly on meat (this mixture is also great on any type of beef). Cook on smoker or in oven at 250 for several hours. Yummy!

Posted in Recipes on May 12th, 2003 by SayUncle | RSS 2.0 |