VPC Press Release
In a shocking move, the VPC and the Brady Center announced plans to lobby congress to pass a bill that bans children. Tom Diaz (VPC senior policy analyst) stated It was just the next logical step. We spend all of our time trying to get this or that banned willy-nilly in the name of the children. We decided it’d just be easier for everyone concerned if we just banned children.
In light of the recent string of litigation, studies, and statistics that conclude children are overwhelmingly the victims of everything from Battlestar Galactica action figures that shoot tiny plastic missiles and guns; to uncomfortable soccer shoes and Teletubbie induced insanity, Sarah Brady confirmed It’s about time we got to the heart of the issue, the children. If they weren’t around, we’d all have more fulfilling lives and some more free time. And frankly, we’re just tired of dealing with it. Plus, it’s tiresome being wrong all the time.
Do you realize what this means? Phil Jackson, vice president of games & puzzles for Mattel, asked excitedly We can start making lawn darts again! Jackson continued Everyone loves Jarts! Except seven year olds with particularly soft skulls.
The Motion Picture Association of America is opposed to the ban on children as it would put them all out of a job.
Nationwide, parents are expected to not even notice the battle in Washington until it’s too late. They’re collectively busy working long hours, reading about Ben and J-Lo, and scheduling play dates.
June 30th, 2003 at 5:16 pm
Yes! Do it for the children!
July 1st, 2003 at 9:30 pm
Linked and attributed.
That’s outstanding!
July 3rd, 2003 at 10:31 pm
AH YES! The old “Modest Proposal.”
July 3rd, 2003 at 12:21 am
Unsafe At Any Age
Let’s cut to the chase and just ban children. In light of the recent string of litigation, studies, and statistics that conclude children are overwhelmingly the victims of everything from Battlestar Galactica action figures that shoot tiny plastic miss…