Shumaker, during his tenure as UT President, actually spent $0.39 to Super Size his fries at McDonald’s. His appalling spending habits have scandalized the university and this is one example of his flare for the finer things in life.

I work hard for my money and I never have the luxury of Super Sizing my fast food meals! said Knoxville resident Penny Less, This type of extravagance absolutely discredits the office of the president and has tarnished the university for years to come she continued.

Local residents were also shocked to learn that Shumaker expected to get paid actual money for his work. Other news outlets have also reported the following moral and ethical lapses Shumaker has had:

Shumaker has actually had sex.
Shumaker may have masturbated as a teen.
Shumaker may have cussed at some point in his life.
Shumaker’s poop actually stinks.
Shumaker’s marriage wasn’t happy.
Shumaker once returned a cordless drill because it didn’t work.
Shumaker upgraded the memory on his computer from 256K to 512K.

Let this be a lesson to those who would use government money to Super Size their value meals, said Governor Bredesen the press will needlessly pry into your life and crucify you. But you deserve it because you’re a bastard.

Posted in uncategorized on August 15th, 2003 by SayUncle | RSS 2.0 |