What not to say . . .
You’re awakened at 5:30 in the morning by your wife who seems either scared or aflutter. She shows you an oblong item and a book. Being the way you are, you’re not real perceptive having been awakened that early. You’re thoughts are:
Did the dog chew up a book?
Should I be prepared to investigate a noise?
What the Hell is going on?
It takes a few minutes and you look at the oblong object. You realize that it’s a home pregnancy test and the book is about being an expectant father (definitely a misleading name). The home pregnancy test has a rather identifiable bright blue plus sign right there in the middle. You look at your wife and realize that she is aflutter and not scared. The proper way to address this races through your mind. You contemplate what the next words out of your mouth will be. Your ideas include:
My boys can swim!
Gooooooaaaal!
Cool! Oral sex is no longer completely ruled out!
My pistol isn’t loaded with blanks!
Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick!
So, you peed on this and now I’m holding it?
Instead, you do the right thing and hug your wife. She remains aflutter informing you that we need a name, have to call the ObGyn, prepare a nursery, decide who should we tell first, should we wait, and it goes on and on.
Words can’t describe how you feel.
October 17th, 2003 at 11:42 am
Congrats!! You should register for baby gifts at the Vols store now….
October 17th, 2003 at 11:56 am
Congratulations!
I’m looking forward to a new cousin.
October 17th, 2003 at 12:04 pm
Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!
Whether it’s a girl or boy!
(I made that up all by myself. Which may explain my poor poetry grades.)
Many congratulations and felicitations, and I hope she doesn’t get morning sickness.
October 17th, 2003 at 12:10 pm
Congratulations on SayNephew or SayNeice.
October 17th, 2003 at 12:46 pm
YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHawwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Just found out another friend of mine’s wife is pregnant, so double good news!
October 17th, 2003 at 12:57 pm
That’s awesome! Hip-Hip-Hoooray.
October 17th, 2003 at 1:14 pm
Great news! Congrats!!
October 17th, 2003 at 1:37 pm
Congrats, guy.
October 17th, 2003 at 2:03 pm
Congrats dude!
October 17th, 2003 at 3:24 pm
Congratulations.. If you need a good midwife, give me a ring.
October 17th, 2003 at 4:10 pm
Very good.
October 17th, 2003 at 7:47 pm
“Instead, you do the right thing and hug your wife.”
Indeed.
Now all you need to do is treat her like delicate china for the next nine months. And take lessons in diaper changing and baby feeding at 2am if you want to win her eternal gratitude. 😉
Congrats!
October 17th, 2003 at 7:47 pm
Congratulations!!
October 17th, 2003 at 8:59 pm
Thats one hell of a tax write off you got coming in next year…
October 17th, 2003 at 9:25 pm
GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLL!!!!
better stockpile as much sleep as you can now.
ours is three months old on monday, and is all we can handle and then some.
it’s quite a feeling, unlike any other. take some time and wallow in that feeling with yer missus. your true test of character will come soon enough.
October 18th, 2003 at 8:58 am
Dude… Excellent! Congratulations!
October 18th, 2003 at 1:11 pm
Congratulation, Unc! And we’ll see you in eighteen years. 😉
October 19th, 2003 at 4:43 pm
Damn, I’m going to miss all your good blogging!
Seriously, hearty congratulations. May this life-changing event bring nothing but joy and happiness. May your child always make you proud (particularly by consistently voting Republitarian).
October 20th, 2003 at 10:20 am
Way to go man!
October 17th, 2003 at 12:00 pm
RTB Congratulations
. . . to Say Uncle, whose “boys can swim.”…