You would think that when you have a newborn baby, you have one baby. This is not true. Sure, you have a baby but that generally consists only of the head and torso area. Those two areas comprise the baby. But the baby comes with four other entities attached. Two of these entities are mostly harmless and two are downright malevolent.

The two mostly harmless entities are the legs. I say harmless because, even though they act totally independent of the rest of the baby, they don’t actively engage in activities the baby doesn’t want them to. The legs just sort of hang out, literally and figuratively. They don’t do much.

The arms, however, are apparently evil. They are rather like that Bruce Campbell scene where his hand is trying to kill him. They do things that are quite contrary to what the head and torso portion of the baby want to do. See, I know for a fact that the baby wants the pacifier because when I put it in her mouth she latches on and goes to town. Then, suddenly, here comes this hand from nowhere and knocks it from her mouth. This makes her cry. I know she didn’t mean to do it but her hand, acting on it’s own will apparently, is merciless. This happens quite often.

Update: The legs, I have found, serve the nefarious purpose of keeping all items with pant legs off of the baby.

Posted in Notes to Junior on June 29th, 2004 by SayUncle | RSS 2.0 |