Hi, my name is mx5, and I’m not a dog person
About 2.5 years ago, I got a crazy idea. The wife loves dogs, so why not try to make her happy and get some dogs? Hell, why not get TWO dogs so they can keep themselves company? How bad can dogs really be? So we researched and I found a breed that seemed very un-doglike, and was oftimes described as “catlike,” which is right up my alley. They don’t bark, are gentle, etc.
So we got some puppies. Everything was fine for the first year and a half, then I began to realize that the puppy-ness wasn’t diminishing. So we got them neutered. Still, no calming down. Actually, their destructive behavior began to increase. One even began to routinely mark his territory inside AFTER being neutered. Despite following all the training manuals, providing them ample toys, etc., they were keen to destroy. Not shoes or magazines, no…but electronics. We went on vacation and let her aunt come house sit. While we were away, they ate $300 of electronics.
The dogs were almost 3 years old and could not be left alone for even a minute. They were constantly under foot, constantly needing attention, constantly getting into something, and basically driving me insane. In the meantime, other friends had purchased various mutt-puppies, some even had 3 dogs. Nobody was having our problems, and they didn’t even try to train theirs. I’ve never encountered dogs that required this much maintenance and attention, and so tried to blame it on genetics. We couldn’t leave them outside because they hate hot or cold, they dug constantly, ate their crap, destroyed bushes, uprooted grass for toys (ignoring their stash of provided toys), or tried to get out of the fence. All within the first 20 minutes of being outside.
The dogs were great as long as you were sitting or laying and they were on you. Otherwise, it was a constant battle. Taking them out on a leash was very difficult because they would run circles around you, or pulled until they puked. Being skinny, they could come out of any harness or collar.
And of course, my wife was attached to them.
So I began rereading all the materials I had read beforehand, but this time I had a “hindsight filter” that allowed me to read between the lines.
Breed X needs company and likes being with their people all the time and if given the chance, will want to share your bed as well as the couch. They’re sometimes referred to as “Velcro dogs.” You may have more company than you want in the bathroom, and if you go out to the mailbox, you’ll be greeted just as enthusiastically upon your return as you would be after a two-week absence.
A-ha! Now I know what that REALLY means…
They are mischievous! Clever and cute (but annoying) behavior such as leaping to the kitchen counter and surfing for food or tearing up a sofa cushion to make it softer is common, especially in puppies and young adults.
I think I must have missed that part while doing initial research.
They are not psychologically or physically suited to being kept in a yard and they are not usually happy as kennel dogs. They overheat rather easily and they suffer terribly from the cold.
This didn’t seem important.
While generally not stubborn, they’re independent and not the easiest breed to train. Don’t let that discourage you: They are very intelligent and all can learn house manners easily, like sit, down, and stay. Some do well with more advanced obedience…
Well, they DID learn sit and lay, but were hopeless beyond that. I’ve never considered that learning other commands would be “advanced obedience,” but apparently it is…
They are usually calm in the house but most have spells of running and leaping about in play a few times a day.
Just a FEW times a day??? Tell that to all the potted plants, furniture, flooring, and our legs.
Many dogs will stay around your home nearly all the time if you let them out, but not your Breed X. Something (a cat, a squirrel, a child …) will catch his eye and he’ll be gone, at up to 35 miles-per-hour. Other breeds that run off will usually come back in no more than a few hours if they don’t get hit by a car. Probably not your Breed X: he has a relatively poor sense of direction and once he’s off your property, he’ll soon be lost. Most dogs can be taught to COME when called but very few Breed X dogs ever get 100% reliable.
So, they can never be out of contact with you, can never be left alone, will not come when called, and can’t be trained.
Basically, they’re the perfect dogs for retired people or people who don’t work. Which doesn’t describe us at all. Our daily routine was based on 8-10 hour increments, because we’d have to go home and let them out. No weekend trips, hardly any vacations (added $40/night for boarding), no trips to the mountains, because we had to come home and let them out of their crate. We couldn’t leave them outside due to weather variations and destructive outdoor behavior. We couldn’t leave them alone INSIDE because they’d destroy the house. Did I mention the breed as a whole tends to be carsick? Ours were no exception. They’d puke AND shit in the car, after drooling all over it.
The whole 2.5 years really has given me a much lower opinion of dogs than I ever had before. I am a bit jaded now, but I have learned that I absolutely do not understand the unnatural connection some people make with animals. Like, considering them, no matter how much trouble they cause, to be indispensible family members. You go to someone’s house and their five dogs are jumping all over you, biting you, barking at you, and the house smells so bad you can hardly stand it, but the owners don’t seem to notice, or care if they did.
Being the asshole that I am, I finally had enough after the move to the new house. The dogs were even more uncontrollable than before because the house was larger. Scratches were starting to appear on the big, expensive front door and all over the hardwood floors and steps. I called a rescue and had them picked up. My wife may be mad at me for awhile, but she finally understands I think, that these dogs were causing us more grief than they were worth. The rescuer understood immediately when I said they were a bit more “needy” than we could handle. She also expressed that their breeding was fantastic, thus invalidating my “genetics” theory.
But they’ll be much better off in the long run, I think, and so will we. And hopefully now we’ll be able to get back to our life and get off the damn couch. 🙂 And I know there are a lot of dog lovers out there, including Mr. Uncle, that will try to formulate what we did wrong. But the problem is that we did everything right except we just picked the wrong breed.
And this really reinforced how much I like cats: completely independent and take care of themselves, only showing up to be rubbed once in awhile. Or better yet, fish.
December 22nd, 2004 at 3:28 pm
I know a lot of folks who have those problems, particularly with high strung dogs (like most small dogs and greyhounds). Most people need dogs that can occasionally chill out. Larger dogs tend to be calmer and come out of that puppy stage sooner. Our two large dogs have:
Nearly destroyed our yard
Get into occasional fights
Scratched up a door
One cries constantly
Ate christmas ornaments (the glass kind, i don’t know how)
Broke an antique vase
Despite all this, I can’t imagine life without them.
December 22nd, 2004 at 3:28 pm
Oh and i hate cats. If you think a dog person’s home has an odor, go to a home that keeps a box of turds. Egad.
December 22nd, 2004 at 3:37 pm
you should have fed them more, a little heart disease and an early death would sooth you soul.
also have you ever know a fat dog that ran around a lot.
I do like dogs, but only the lazy ones
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:22 pm
So, don’t keep us in the dark. Exactly what breed were the little helions?
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:26 pm
Stormy, if you’re taking bets put me down for dalmation.
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:29 pm
Chalk up one advantage for being highly allergic…
December 22nd, 2004 at 5:05 pm
SU, I don’t want a cat or any animal at this point. But at least with a cat, you don’t have to watch your step in the yard. And if you keep the box cleaned out, there won’t be any odor at all.
I didn’t mention the breed’s name because I don’t want to end up in any discussions among the tight-knit folks who enjoy that particular breed. 🙂 But just think of the first Devo song that comes to your mind, spell that out as a single word instead of two, and you’ll be on the right track.
December 22nd, 2004 at 5:24 pm
Mx5, you did the right thing for your situation. Good for you. As you said, they will probably be happier in the long run and so will you and the Mrs.
December 22nd, 2004 at 6:19 pm
cats = good
dogs = arrgh
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:52 pm
Egad. That’s great.
I love my Schnauzer but Schnauzer’s are not for everyone as is the case with every furry animal. They each have their own idiosyncrasies.
She cannot be outside without a leash or a fence
She got lost once for 6 hours through the swamp, we were frantic
She hates water except to drink, rain, lakes, rivers, pools, baby pools, bath tubs. That makes it pretty hard in Tennessee, in Florida not so bad.
She needs a $20 – $30 grooming every 6 weeks
No people food (or replace the carpet)
She barks frantically at all visitors (but just wants love or treats)
Must now always find hotels, etc. that allow pets (or very good kennel)
She has never chewed on anything other than her own toys or treats
She never pinkles or poops in the house, never has
She is a great stress reliever
She loves walks, thus great for your health
She gives lots of love
I love my Schnauzer and do not know what I would do with out her. However, as I said previously, Schnauzer’s are definitely not for everyone. As my older brother says, “just another yappy dog”. But then he voted for Bush.
December 22nd, 2004 at 8:34 pm
Now I dunno about ********, but my greyhound (9 1/2 now, got him at 4 1/2) is the most laid back dog I have ever seen. He whines a bit, never barks, and sleeps all day. Now when he does go out, he runs like a fool for 5 minutes, then is done.
They are “leaners” though – always like to touch you!
December 22nd, 2004 at 10:26 pm
“But the problem is that we did everything right except we just picked the wrong breed.”
It was your own fault. You were the one who went looking for a “cat like dog”. Might as well try to buy a “motorcycle-like car”.
So far as not understanding what people see in pets, I rescue stray dogs from off the street. 2 of the dogs I’ve rescued have protected me from violent attack at different times, even though they both were injured when they got between me and the threat.
Let me know when you come across a housecat that will do that.
James
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:40 am
So, exactly what is ‘Breed X’, so I can remember to stay away from them when I get a dog?
December 23rd, 2004 at 9:44 am
James R., yes it was our own fault. As I said, we picked the wrong breed. I was too focused on “dog that doesn’t bark,” and missed some important personality clues. And I understand what people see in pets, I like pets, it’s just I don’t understand the “familial” attachment. And fortunately, the biggest threats I encountered while with those dogs were bunnies, squirrels, and lady bugs.
December 23rd, 2004 at 12:32 pm
I agree with David, my greyhound (I assume thats what you have/had) lays on the couch…all day. The only time she runs figure 8’s is after she takes a big shit out in the yard. I have more trouble with my two other Jack Russells than the grey. Oh well, at least you gave them back to an adoption group instead of the animal shelter. Did you get your greyhounds from a track/rescue group or from a breeder? That may explain the difference. The track dogs tend to be a little more laid back and healthier.
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:07 pm
Nope, not greyhounds. Close, very close. Often mistaken for greyhounds. They’re not Italian either, somewhere in the middle! As I said earlier, think of a Devo song.
They came from a breeder, and as it turns out, not the most reputable. The rescue noticed immediately their sporting heritage (by their family tree, which I wasn’t aware of) and just knew some lure coursing enthusiasts would want them. Lure coursing is a hobby, unlike greyhound racing, that the dogs love.
December 23rd, 2004 at 2:46 pm
Whippets!
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 pm
‘And I understand what people see in pets, I like pets, it’s just I don’t understand the “familial” attachment.”
Sorry, I misunderstood. I’m with you on the whole family thing myself. I’m attached to my dogs, but I certainly don’t say that I’m their daddy or anything.
That would be just plain weird..
James
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:54 pm
mx5,
The first Devo song I thought of was “We Are Devo”. Hmmm. Wearedevo. Almost. Weredevo would be a good name for a band which could change from humans into devos.
I’m glad to know the breed to skip.
Yours,
Wince
December 26th, 2004 at 10:10 pm
Russian wolfhounds? Known to be sort of dumb. Try 2 pit females hand raised from one week old for double trouble. My hubby vowes to get rid of them at least once a week. They turned 1 in November. 2 Handfuls of trouble to spite this we do love them. some chewed items encounterd: shoes, walls, glass, metal, rubber, lots of clothing and our porch is getting smaller : )
December 27th, 2004 at 8:12 pm
Justin is correct: Whippets.
http://timbreblue.com/about_whippets.html