I can’t hardly stand flying anymore these days, especially during a holiday. First of all, you’ve got to get there two hours early because you need a good bit a head start in case your flight is delayed. That and the security screening.

Now, I understand we need security precautions; no doubt about it. But I wonder if they aren’t taking things a little too far. For example, everybody has to take off his shoes before going through the metal detector. That’s fairly new as far as I know; it used to be you could go through with tennis shoes on. No more. So now everybody is barefoot, and they’re giving upper-body pat-downs. I swear, if they don’t develop X-ray vision, by this time next year they’ll have us boarding the plane stark naked.

Once we’re through security, though, it’s all smooth sailing. Unless we get hungry. We got here two hours early, remember? We should have brought a snack, or a pile of money. $8 for a hamburger and drink doesn’t sound too steep, does it? After all, we won’t get anything else to eat (except 5 peanuts) for the next two hours. At least Mama has the baby’s food with her at all times…and the security man kindly gave her a free squeeze check while we waited.

Oh, that’s right: new baby means no more exit row for the Thibodeaux family. Mr. and Mrs. Thibodeaux are both about 6’5″; air travel is frighteningly uncomfortable in the best of seats. At least we get to pre-board. That will give us time to wedge our legs into the seat in front of us, and hopefully find a way to keep it from reclining. It will also give us lots of time to sit in the stifling airplane for an extra 30 minutes while everybody else tries desperately to shove their bags into the overhead bins. I guess they can’t turn on the A/C until the engines get going. Maybe flying naked wouldn’t be so bad after all.

But then that magic moment comes that makes it all worthwhile. We’re clear for takeoff, and we line up on the runway. The pilot throws the throttles forward, unleashing the thunder of a hundred thousand horses, hurling this metal tube down the tarmac at ludicrous speed and into the night sky. We mere ordinary mortals are afforded a delight that the ancients believed could only belong the gods and a select few: to hurtle through the air in a winged chariot.

I look down and see a sparkling web, and marvel—not only have we tamed the sky, we have also caged the night, walling off the darkness with a fence of brilliant glass. See the mighty works wrought by the hand and mind of Man! I recall that good news spoken so long ago, and think, “Yes, let there be peace on Earth, and let me have good will toward Men!”

Then we land and I find out the airline lost my bags. Crikey.

Posted in uncategorized on December 28th, 2004 by Thibodeaux | RSS 2.0 |