Why he will lose
Ford will not be the next senator from Tennessee. Particularly, if he keeps listening to Chuck Schumer:
“Anyone who thinks the South in 2006 is the same as the South in 2004 is mistaken,” said Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York and chairman of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee.
Ford, to stand a chance, needs to run far and fast from Chuckles.
I beg to differ with UpChuck, here. The south is pretty much about the same, generally speaking. In fact, here’s something I wrote on the subject about two and a half years ago:
It’s getting to be election time. This is a rare occasion because it represents the only time the rest of the country gives a fuck about the South. The rest of the year, our region is made fun of on sitcoms, reality TV, and in various op ed pieces. We’re ridiculed by snooty intellectuals and hated. We’re belittled a bit because our region consists mostly of troublemakers. At least we’re viewed as troublemakers. After all, we did secede.
At election time, we’re no longer inbred, toothless hillbillies. We suddenly become this mysterious voting bloc of gun-toting, God-fearing conservatives who like free stuff from the government (aka, southern Democrats – by the way, are there any of those left nationally?). It’s true. Most southerners like their guns and their God. We also have liberals and conservatives here in the south, though our definition of liberal typically includes people fond of guns and God but place free stuff higher on the list than other folks.
Democrats tend to write the south off nationally, which is a mistake. After they write us off in terms of votes, they often write us off in terms of policy (that gets back to the vote thing). Al Gore wrote us off in terms of policy and it cost him votes. There’s a reason his concession speech mentioned something about mending fences at home.
And here in Tennessee on the local level, we’ve elected quite a few Democrats lately. The Democrats shouldn’t write the south off completely. But what wins Democrat votes in the rest of the country doesn’t fly here in the south.
With elections, the fun begins. We suddenly get the people who used to try to appeal to snooty intellectuals interested in appealing to us. They try to pass their gun control legislation off as common sense stuff by stating things like We don’t mean your shotgun, Ethyl. We’re talkin’ ‘bout them there assault weapons. Or they attempt to dumb down their agenda. And every politician before visiting the southeast finds Jesus; eats pinto beans at a Ma & Pa diner; and goes hunting.
We southern folks really like it if you’d slow down a bit when talking to us. It’s not because we’re slow to understand, it’s because fast talk makes you seem rude. That should illustrate why you snooty intellectuals don’t understand us. But it only illustrates that to other southerners. The snooty intellectuals don’t get it. We do things differently in these parts and that’s why people love the south or hate it.
We call a woman Ma’am and we do it to be polite. We don’t do it because she’s old. When I address the 16 year-old girl who works at Target, I say Yes, ma’am.
Most of us know how to kill, skin, and prepare various animals for food. Well, I do. My family was really country. This does not make us a freak show to be talked about. I was on a job once in Maryland. We got on the subject of hunting (which most people on the job hadn’t done) and I mentioned I have killed and eaten various animals. Suddenly, everyone began asking me about it like I was this wild mountain man. Hell, I was just an accountant. By the way, SayUncle is opposed to killing in general and hasn’t hunted since his teens. I don’t even kill spiders; I escort them outside. This annoys the wife, who thinks all things with more than four legs should be eradicated from the planet.
We drink our tea sweet. And we can make a meal out of nothing but pinto beans, corn bread, and an onion. You can say things here like He needs killin’ and people will sympathize.
But make no mistake; we’re not a bunch of dumb, uneducated simpletons. If you treat us like we are, that’s your mistake. There’s a reason most presidents come from the South and it’d be wise to remember that.
I’m pretty sure every bit of it is still applicable today.
May 31st, 2006 at 10:49 am
…This does not make us a freak show to be talked about. I was on a job once in Maryland….
Oh great, pick on Maryland.
Everyone up north knows we’re below the Mason-Dixon, but everyone south of here knows we stayed with the Union. What many people don’t know about is the ring of cannons that were placed by Lincoln around Baltimore… facing inwards.
Lincoln probably grew a beard after his election but before he took office partly because he had to sneak through Maryland to take his oath of Office. He even alighted from his train at Baltimore well before the station and snuck through the city. His confederates cut the telegraph line between Philadelphia and Baltimore so news of his imminent arrival might be kept secret. His empty train car was still mobbed at the station.
The first casualties of the War Between the States happened in Baltimore. Union troops shot rioting civilians on April 19th. The red and white parts of the Maryland flag were contributed by Maryland troops fighting for the south.
Of course, I can’t blame you for not realizing this. Even I, a product of the state run school system, was never taught this stuff. Some people in Maryland are ashamed of our past.
Instead, the state run indoctrination centers had us learn that the state bird was the Baltimore Oriole and the state flower was the Black-eyed Susan. We were taught that the state motto was “Manly deeds, womanly words”, and they made sure we knew how sexist that phrase was [1]. Oh, and we had to know the title of our state song “Maryland, my Maryland”, but we were never taught, nor ever sang it.
Google the lyrics to see why.
[1] it’s really “Fatti maschi, parole femmine”, and has a few translations.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatti_maschii,_parole_femine
May 31st, 2006 at 10:56 am
I was in Germantown, which is basically DC light and not really maryland, as far as I could tell. No offense meant.
May 31st, 2006 at 11:04 am
None taken.
I guess I had to get something off my chest. No idea why I didn’t make it into a blog post. Not feeling it today, I guess.
May 31st, 2006 at 12:10 pm
And your assessment of Marylanders was pretty much spot on. The idiots have long since taken over populated areas, the only holdouts being the panhandle and the eastern shore.
May 31st, 2006 at 1:18 pm
That beans and cornbread sounds good and I just realized that it’s time for lunch.
May 31st, 2006 at 3:08 pm
At the risk of going politically incorrect, Ford will lose all right, but it’s in large part because as poorly as Democrats do in East Tennessee, a black Democrat would do even more poorly there. He’ll be lucky to get 20% of the East Tennessee vote…
(Of course, Ford’s a pretty wishy-washy Democrat, such that he’s not even particularly popular with rank-and-file Democrats outside his own district anyway…)
We call a woman Ma’am and we do it to be polite. We don’t do it because she’s old. When I address the 16 year-old girl who works at Target, I say Yes, ma’am.
Anyone who has worked in retail or any other customer-service-oriented field will tell you that at least 60% of the time “Ma’am” is a “polite” way of saying “Bitch.” 🙂
May 31st, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Also, I should mention that although Harold Jr. has managed to stay clean as far as anyone can tell, the stain of his family’s deeply-rooted corruption will be virtually impossible for him to overcome.
May 31st, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Shades of mahalo, I s’pose. Now I don’t feel quite so guilty over not having gotten used to people calling me “sir.”
May 31st, 2006 at 11:37 pm
You know, I’d love the South if it weren’t for the climate (I should NOT have condensation on my windshield in the morning when it’s 75), the damn pine needles on the lawn (I love evergreens, just the short needle variety), and the time zones (I like being able to watch Monday Night Football without staying up until 11 or midnight, and being able to see something other than “Late” next to my team’s game line in the paper.)
Any chance of transplanting enough Southerners up here to WA to outnumber the Seattle-oids?
June 1st, 2006 at 3:04 am
With all due respect, I wonder if you’ve considered the possibility that Southerners just don’t get it when it comes to the rest of the country? It seems that the ideas of being ridiculed, belittled, hated and considered to be inbred toothless hillbillies are somewhat self imposed and self perpetuating, effectively heading off any chance for communication and understanding between Southerners and the snooty intellectuals. Make no effort to communicate or connect on their terms, then laugh at their bungled attempts to communicate on your terms. That way, you’ll never have to acknowledge that someone “not from around here” may be worthy of your vote. And it’ll all be their fault for not understanding you.
Yes, there is a reason most presidents come from the South. It’s because those snooty intellectuals recognize a good candidate when they see one, and they’ll vote for him/her regardless of which part of America the candidate hails from. Southerners will never again vote for a president from any other part of America, because there is no Real America outside the South.
After seven years in the South, I am aware that I still write and speak like a Yankee; I apologize if you find the tone here not to your liking.(We do things differently up there too) But the thoughts and questions are sincere. Besides, my neighbors say I’m making progress. I’m still the Yankee in the neighborhood, but they don’t spit the word out quite like they used to.
June 1st, 2006 at 3:17 am
We don’t have to when they’re courting our votes. And, generally, southernors don’t leave the south. HOwever, people from outside tend to move here (for the weather, i guess). hence the disconnect. When in rome, and all that.
It’s possible they don’t understand but I doubt it since the snooty intellectual stuff is piped into out homes.
I’ve lived all over and there’s not place I’d rather be. There are more toothless, inbred hillbillies in south jersey than in east tennessee.
You did learn something while you were here 😉
June 1st, 2006 at 10:52 am
Nixon and Reagan were from California; is that part of the South? Texas is debatable, but in any event the elder Bush’s claims to be a Texan were about as credible as Hillary’s claim to be a New Yorker. Non-Southerner Bob Dole fared better in the South than Southerner Bill Clinton did in 1996. I think a more accurate statement would be that snooty, pseudo-intellectual liberals in the South and North alike know a liberal candidate when they see one, and traditional conservatives know a conservative candidate when they see one, and both vote their preferences accordingly.
But don’t mind me. I’m just another clueless neosouthern transplant myself, who has only partially mastered the art of Southern civility, so you’ll have to pardon me for suggesting your head is lodged snugly up your butt, ma’am.
June 1st, 2006 at 11:50 am
Hell, I’ve lived in the South 39 years but I reckon I’m STILL a Yankee! My ancestry was all Union and I’m one of them there liberals from Memphis, at the “ethnic” end of the state!
There is a cultural elitism in the South; just because we don’t get snow here (at least not in my end of the state) doesn’t make it better.
Why stay? well, since the legislatures down here are vehemently anti-union, the jobs have all moved here.
Other than that, I pretty much agreed with you, especially about Junior. He hasn’t a prayer in hell; Kurita had a much better chance if Schumer hadn’t squashed it by cutting off her money sources.
June 1st, 2006 at 11:57 am
Uncle:
Did you go to the “Lean Left Kevin School of Typing” when you formulated that last post? 🙂
But I do think Jeanne hits on something when she alleges that the South doesn’t give a shit about the rest of the country. I think that’s essentially true. Then again, I’d say it’s also true of much of the great plains and the mountain west…
people from outside tend to move here (for the weather, i guess)
Actually, in my case, it was for the job. 🙂 If I had my druthers, I’d be in the Northeast or the Pacific Northwest somewhere. I can only speak for myself when I say that your summers suck.
June 1st, 2006 at 1:30 pm
yeah, typed at 4 in the morning with one hand while holding a grumpy baby.
June 1st, 2006 at 5:00 pm
By the way, Xrlq, it’s worth noting that “most presidents come from the South” wasn’t Jeanne’s assertion; it was Uncle’s. Jeanne merely repeated it.
The truth is that most presidents don’t come from the South, they win by shamelessly pandering to the South. Too often, they do so by pandering to bigots of some sort. (Witness Reagan’s campaign kickoff for a fine example.)
July 21st, 2006 at 8:46 am
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