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In which I address my spam

Viagra/v1@6ra/cialis and all that: Sorry, but I really don’t need a boner for 36 hours, even if it’s just $0.09 per pill.

First Third Bank: seriously, that’s the name you came up with? Am I supposed to guess like the next word or something?

Haja Laila Hassan: SORRY BUT I DON’T DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE WHO USE ALL CAPS, NO MATTER HOW ENTICING THE $20M YOU’LL GIVE ME IN EXCHANGE FOR $10K.

Mr. Hot Stock Tip: Wow. It’s selling for only pennies! It must be a good deal.

Vera: Look, I like wild party girls / big badonkadonks / hot teens / nymphos in heat / milfs next door / lesbian tongue baths / midgets / girls masturbating as much as anyone, but I ain’t paying for your site. Porn is free. And knock it off. Sometimes I read email at the office.

Levitra: I don’t even know what the fuck you are.

Cheap Long Distance: I have a cell phone. It’s already free. That’s as cheap as it gets.

Extra-Time: No, I do not ejaculate within seconds of penetration. And if I did, do you think I’d tell you?

Cheap insurance: Got plenty, thanks.

I don’t need any carbon offsets, thanks. If I want bullshit, it’s in the pasture behind my house.

Big Dick Pills: I’m quite comfortable with myself and, really, does anyone need an extra six inches? Two, maybe but not six.

Online gambling sites: Err, have you been paying attention to the Feds?

Warez: Is that in Mexico?

Financing: Really? Finance a home for 3%! I’ll be happy to give you my bank info!

Supplements: err, have you seen my diet?

A Rolex for $20! They have those in Warez.

2 Responses to “In which I address my spam”

  1. Adam Lawson Says:

    Big Dick Pills: I’m quite comfortable with myself and, really, does anyone need an extra six inches? Two, maybe but not six.

    Rudy Giuliani.

    (/cheapshot)

  2. markm Says:

    First Third Bank: There’s a Fifth Third Bank chain around here. I generally refer to it as the “one-fifteenth of a bank.”

    Weirdest spam ever: an email allegedly from the Nigerian Railroad Company asking for bids on 3,000 miles of used railroad track. (E.g., maybe a million tons of scrap steel.) If it was a fraud, I sure couldn’t see how it could work, but if it was serious, they need to understand that electrical engineers don’t drive full-size electric trains…

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

Uncle Pays the Bills

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