Didn’t know they had those
Heading down 75 to my unsecured and undisclosed location when I see flashing police lights behind me. I get out of the way and notice that it’s a white van. The police lights are coming from under the grill and not the top. They’re blue (not red) so I conclude it’s no ambulance. The driver is hauling some major ass. I’m curious. As it passes me, I look over on the side of the van to see the emblem for The Department of Homeland Security. I wonder where they were going? And I wonder if a fed agency is really a first responder to something?
Any ideas?
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:41 pm
No clue, but the Federal Government was never meant to have a general police power. I go off the reservation into kooky libertarianism on the matter of federal “police”, and the idea of feds with lights and sirens doesn’t sit right with me.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Buddy… you got passed by the Jack Bauer.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Hmm… I just realized that means, according to my own state, that I’m a terrorist. That next white van might be coming for me! I had better stop by the store on the way home and stock up on Reynold’s Wrap.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:01 pm
What? You don’t thing Feds eat donuts too?
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Hopefully they were responding to someone being vigilant and reporting one of the foreign invaders who we are told, want to kill us. Or maybe they were rushing to arrest some citizen who tried to “intimidate or coerce the government” in some way and thus became a perpetrator of terrorism according to Section 802 of the Patriot Act. I’ve been guilty that.
Thankfully, they were going the wrong way to come after me. I was also once turned into Homeland Security for having a pocket knife with a clip showing on the outside of my pocket while in a Social Security office to obtain a new SS card for a disabled cousin. The armed Federal Security Guard there said that my pocket knife was a “weapon” according to the posted law, for which one could be prosecuted for a 5 yr. penalty. He let me go, but turned my DL License plate number, vehicle description and phone number to turn into the Dept. of Homeland Secuirty.
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Might want to read 18 USC 2332 a little closer, Ron.
You’re not a terrorist simply because you somehow “intimidate” the government. Terrorism is (in that statute) acts “dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State”, AND attempt to intimidate or coerce the civilian population or government policy.
Unless you were shooting at government offices to scare people or the State, it doesn’t seem likely that you actually committed domestic terrorism.
(Reckless driving is an “act dangerous to human life”, and a violation of criminal law – but not intended to intimidate or coerce either population or government policy.
Threatening to swear at government officials more unless they change policy is an attempt to intimidate government into changing its policy, but not an “act dangerous to human life” or a violation of criminal law.
You gotta have both.)
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Obtaining a new SS card for a disabled cousin – is that like a straw-purchase? 😉
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Sigivald, that actually sounds like a somewhat elegant definition of terrorist activity. It doesnt appear to be overbroad or overly narrow.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:41 am
Except for the fact that those ELF and ALF wackjobs are classified as domestic terror groups. I’m not a supporter, but I will note that they seem to take great care in not trying to harm humans when they destroy things.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:51 am
My guess is they were trying to make it to Hooters before the end of happy hour.
ELF and ALF wackjobs are classified as domestic terror groups.
Even though they “try” not to harm anyone, burning down businesses and houses is an act dangerous to human life, now matter how hard they try to make sure they don’t hurt anyone.
Personally, I’d say that the classification of those groups as ‘terrorists” is accurate and does not violate the definition provided.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:40 am
The donut shop was closing in 15 minutes…
May 24th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Likely just some paper pushers who got the van with the lights in it so they could act like bad ass muddafuggas… If they were first responding to something (don’t think they do) they’d likely have more than one van. Couple of guys in a van shouldn’t be the first responders to anything.