Commandments
So, the pope issued ten commandments for drivers. Allow me to suggest my own:
Pay attention. I know you’re busy and all but your focus should be on driving, not returning calls.
The left lane is for passing. Not for teaching me a lesson. So, get out of the way. The only lesson you’re teaching me is that you’re an asshole.
At a four way stop, the shittiest car does not actually have the right of way.
Yield is not a suggestion. Conversely, it also doesn’t mean give up.
If you’re doing 20MPH in a 45MPH on a rural road just taking in the scenery, remember that some of us (namely the 15 people behind you who want to pummel you to death) may have places to be or may have spent a long day at the office and want to get home. So, at first opportunity, pull over and let us pass since you’re obviously not in a hurry.
Be courteous. But not stupid. If traffic is backed up, I’ll let people trying to get on the road out. However, I probably won’t let all 20 of them out.
If you’re going to be making, say, a right turn in the next little bit, maybe you should go ahead and get in the right hand lane. As opposed to what you usually do, which is wait until the last minute, cut three people off, and almost cause a traffic fatality through your own stupidity.
Signal your intentions when appropriate. But not 1.25 miles ahead of time.
When you see emergency vehicles, get out of their way. They might be going to your house.
Keep it together. Some idiot out there is not enough reason to jeopardize your life. And it’s generally not a good idea to act out of anger when you’re in a several thousand pound, metal box on wheels that’s going fast.
Riding my rear is a pointless exercise if I’m trapped behind someone else and have no where to go.
If you ride a motorcycle, it’s probably not smart to hug the center line so you can pass. All it takes is one guy not paying attention to change lanes and you’re road paste.
When the light turns green, make sure it’s the road is clear and then go. Expeditiously. Don’t finish curling your hair, drink a cup of coffee, and fiddle with the radio. We only got so much time to get through.
If you see a sign that says merge left, go ahead and do that as soon as you can. As opposed to sticking it out in the right lane for as long as you can. See, 15 other idiots decided to do the same thing and when they run out of road and have to merge at the last second, that’s what causes most of the traffic congestion.
I’m not sure what kind of sadistic prick gets their jollies from the misfortune of others, but coming to an almost complete stop to check out the aftermath of a car accident is not only unsafe, it makes you a dickhead.
Learn the rules for pedestrians. They generally have right of way.
A Stop sign does not actually say Stop unless oncoming traffic is a bicyclist (note: I just bought a bike and take my kids for rides. Drivers really are dangerous when you’re on a bike).
Do not pass people, pull over in front of them and then make a turn. Seriously, who are you people?
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 am
“When the light turns red, make sure it’s clear and then go.”
Er, that could cause problems… 😉
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:14 am
Heh. Fixed.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:23 am
[…] The Pope missed a few. . . […]
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:23 am
[…] I’d add some stuff but I’m tired and I think he pretty much covers the bases…Read the rest here. […]
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:30 am
Good list.
When the light turns green, and you are not the first car, you do not have to allow the person in front of you to get halfway through the intersection to go. You will get a LOT more cars through the light this way.
When you put your blinker on to get over, PAY ATTENTION. People will generally let you over, but will only give you so much time. Take advantage of the opportunity; don’t wait forever because after I flash my lights to let you over and you don’t get over, I will say “forget it” and continue on.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:45 am
I don’t have a problem with school buses having the power to stop traffic from both directions, nor do I have a problem with them stopping every single goram block, but I don’t think that just because you are driving a school bus, you have the right to block traffic. Once the kiddies are safely on the bus or off the bus and across the street, how about pulling off on the shoulder and letting those 20 odd cars behind you pass? It’s pretty obvious that you are not in a hurry.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:51 am
According to Allstate Knoxville is the sixth safest driving city in America. It must really suck everywhere else.
My favorite, the yuppie housewife in the stretch Suburban yammering on the cell phone drinking a latte while applying makeup and using both lanes. Most likely seen in West Knoxville. Shut up and drive.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:52 am
Oh and on multi-lane highways, when you get some delta-minus that is pacing you, right in your rear quarter-panel blind spot, what do you do? I suppose I could ignore them, but by letting them stay in my blind spot, I risk making an unsafe emergency lane change.
My standard mischief so far has been to suddenly speed up and do a lane change in front of them (without signaling, of course), and then allowing my car to drift back down to my preset speed. Now I know that I’m being a dick, but this usually gets the hanger-on to speed up, pass me, and go pace some other sucker.
Any other ideas?
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:24 am
aYep: http://weswear.ws/2007/06/18/the-commute/
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:43 am
Gotta disagree on the motorcycle one. Worst idea: Riding right in the middle where all the grease and oil is. Oil + motorcycle tire = lots of people late to work.
The next worst option is to ride on the side of the lane away from the rest of the traffic. If someone doesn’t see you, they don’t see you, and you end up road paste either way. The problem is that if you are on the far side of the lane, a lot of people will see you and still decide that it is a good idea to share the lane with you. So,
Worst idea = Ride in the middle with the oil
Less bad idea = Ride on the far side and have some idiot share the lane
Least worst idea = Ride on the near side and hope everyone sees you
(My father drove everything from tractors with doubles to motorcycles, so he was keenly aware of the outlook of both sides and made sure that I was as well.)
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
The left lane is for passing. Not for teaching me a lesson. So, get out of the way. The only lesson you’re teaching me is that you’re an asshole.
Oh, for REAL, man. I hate when people go slow in the left lane. Get out of my WAY, people!
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:47 am
When driving at turnpike speed and you have a knucklehead on your rear bumper,activate your windshield washer. Its amazing how he backs off.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:43 am
I’m a rebel. A menace to society. An outsider.
A full bore eight cylinder bastard. I irritate people and piss them off at every turn, and I am amused.
I tend to obey the traffic laws, and drive carefully, and most just can’t seem to cope with that. I do sixty in a sixty zone and forty in a Forty. Mind you, never less than the limit, just a couple over or right at you see. I don’t trust other people’s turn signals either. I NEVER tailgate. I always yield properly.
This puts me somewhat in the minority of drivers it would seem, and all the shaking fists, flashing lights, and middle fingers in the world won’t change a thing except someone else’s blood pressure.
I don’t care if you are late. I don’t care if you are in a hurry. I don’t care if you have more horsepower than me. Or a flash car, or a monster truck. And after you pull that questionable manuver, passing me in the no passing zone, agressively pullng in front of me just to let me know who’s boss, I’ll laugh at you when I pull up behind you at the next light or the one after, or maybe miles down the road.
And you will be irritated even more, as my grin molests your brain. I just bullied the fuck out of you and gotten away with it.
That being said, I wouldn’t mind a golf GTI or an EVO, I like F-1 racing, and love Top Gear. I used to drive fast(er) I had my street rod days, but never gave slow but legal drivers a hard time then either.
Nowadays, people just trying to get home in one piece are the enemy.
I can live with that. A lot of you can’t apparantly.
Tough beans.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:46 am
And BTW, I do stay out of the left lane. Religiosly. I can usually be found all the way to the right. But that makes little difference it seems. I catch just as much hell from people offended by having to (shock) move one lane left on a four lane road to go around me.
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
“you’re doing 20MPH in a 45MPH”
I saw an old lady doing that, thankfully we had zoomed ahead of her at an earlier intersection. The people behind her, however, must have been pissed off majorly (and on a fairly long stretch of road with no opportunities to pass).
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:48 pm
We get a lot of the “rolling road block” drivers here.
Drives me nuts. Can you not see the car directly to your right>? Geez Louise it’s like they’re on another planet or something.
As for motorcycles, any part of the lane can be dangerous. Just ride as if you are invisible to other drivers, and you’ll increase your odds of survival.
Like I tell people, I’ve been riding for 34 years and only hit a car head-on once. 🙂
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
You get your license if you can answer, what, 80% of the questions right?
You cram for the test, pass it if you’re completely unaware of 20% of the traffic rules, get your license, then forget half of the stuff you knew.
Different cities have different mob-driving rule. Here in North Idaho, the “mob rule” is that a speed limit is a minimum, with the largest mob running at 2 to 5 miles over. In and around Seattle, I could be doing 10 over and still be clogging traffic.
Old and/or half blind and/or drunk people: I really do understand all about mobility and self reliance, verses having to rely on someone else, but seriously, killing or permanently injuring other people is not cool. I’d be fine with it if you just killed yourself, or better yet, get someone to drive for you.
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
I hate people who drive at the speed limit on mountain roads and refuse to let you pass. Those speed limits are set for the worst weather of the entire year. With sticky tires and warm dry weather, 2x the speed limit is perfectly safe.
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Rule 1) Turn signals are not optional, nor are they designed to be run continuously. I don’t care if you’re going around the world to the left… but it’d be nice to know that you’re planning on changing lanes.
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Turn signals not only tell the other driver what you’re doing, it tells them you know what you’re doing.
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:49 am
Sometimes the laws of the universe just do not follow their natural order…for example: “Don’t put ‘bad karma’ out there.”; “What goes around comes around.”;, etc., etc.
…It is simply astonishing to me when some ignorant asshole (or is that an “oxymoron”?) on the road, will do something like: Cut YOU off, almost cause a massive friggin’ 20-car pile-up, and then FLIP YOU OFF, as they zoom-on by…or when you pull up next to them at the next light!
This has happened to me a few times over the years, and has been COMPLETELY unwarranted each and every time!… I am a quick (yet safe) driver…usually the one trying to pass the OTHER cars…I know when to pull over and let someone pass…and I am always very apppreciative when a driver will do the same for me.
However, this mystery of the “Phantom Asshole”, who appears out of nowhere, and causes mayhem in their wake–“flipping” and cursing as they go–only to eventually pull in front of you and match the speed you were already at…FREAKING BOGGLES MY MIND!
I once even followed some stupid bitch to her house…scared the hell out of her by that time. Maybe next time she will re-think her stance on being a major asshole…Probably not though…
One of the problems with “us” venting our genuinely right-on-target gripes on this blog is” Generally, only the people (like us) who HAVE the desire and technique to accurately bitch about our “ignorant asshole” counterparts, will be the only ones READING these comments.
And WE already seem to KNOW what is “wrong” out there.
It is the “ignorant assholes” who really need to be “whapped-upside” their idiot-heads with a leather-bound version of all of our ramblings!
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 am
One of my greatest moral dilemmas is following a senior citizen at 20 mph in a 45 zone down the road leading to my church on Sunday morning, knowing they will be turning in the parking lot in front of me and I may be greeting them at the door (as I usher each Sunday). Do I scream and wave my hands as my mind tells me to do? I have to be there 15 minutes ahead of time, so I’m late, they’re early and completely oblivious to the 10 cars behind them, including me.
I know…I just need to leave earlier.
And this…I know the Suburban driving, cell phone talking soccer mom is out there. I see them in my neighborhood (and have to make sure they actually take time to stop at intersections). But, these are stereotypes like others (Asian drivers?). There are lots of bad drivers, rednecks who think they own the road, yuppies in Turkey Creek who have a sense of entitlement to the road (and everything else in their line of sight), people who drive way too fast and people who are apparently incapable of just paying attention.
June 24th, 2007 at 11:49 am
Um, I think what was supposed to be fixed was the part about going when the light turns RED — not the use of “its” to refer to the road.
June 24th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
D’oh!
June 24th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
You forgot one of my “favorites”:
When approaching the octagonal red (or orange if the sun fades it) sign that says “STOP” this applies to *everyone*. You do not get to go without stopping just because the person in front of you stopped.
I see this behavior about once a week. Usually at a three way stop I’m forced to tolerate fairly regularly.
Also, people need to stop making turns (right, left, doesn’t matter) and leaving six inches of their car in the road while they plan where to park.
And finally, just because you *could have* went before I was so close doesn’t mean you *should* pull out when I’m going to have to hit my breaks. This makes you a shithead, and I will lay into my horn and curse you and say things that generally imply your mother was a female dog. Seriously, “I could have went, I’ll go now and make this person slow down” sounds like a good idea?
June 24th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
And the reverse is true: bicycle riders: that big red octagon-shaped thing mounted on a pole with the letters S T O and P, generally in that order, applies to YOU, TOO.
I have heard every excuse in the world from “I don’t have an engine, vehicle laws don’t apply to me” to “we are the same as pedestrians” to “I support ecology, you pollute, so I have more rights” (that last one generally heard in places like Seattle, Boulder, and San Francisco).
June 25th, 2007 at 5:39 am
RE: motorcycles hugging the center line….we do that for several reasons: it keeps us out of the oil droppings and debris in the center of the lane, allows us to see what’s developing a lot farther ahead than the rear end of the car in front of us, and allows us to “ride large” – command of the lane space.
Staying to the left puts us directly in the vision of the brain dead cage driver behind us so he doesn’t forget we’re there, and out near the center line we’re visible to more cars behind us. Hide in the center or the right wheel track and the idiot three cars back will think there’s road space in front of the mommy-wagon so he can pass, and when he pulls back in lane in at the last second, all we’re left with is the white line on the right.
True, you do have to pay attention to the other side of the road and, sometimes, make accommodation for the teeny bopper with the cell phone glued to her ear who thinks that big line between the lanes is only a suggestion. Consider it “Darwin at Work.”