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Balls

So, I’m dealing with auditors from a random government agency (yay, short straw!). All is going well and no problems. Today, having not heard from them in months and assuming that they’d concluded with no findings, one of the auditors calls me and says: Well, we need to get you guys to sign a waiver as we’re approaching the end of statutory period for conducting the audit.

Me: Huh?

Them: Yeah, the statute of limitations is running out and we need you to sign a waiver stating that it’s OK if we proceed.

Me: That’s a nice big cup of the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. You want me to grant you an extension for the sole purpose of making my life unnecessarily difficult over what amounts to an insignificant amount of money.

Them: err, well . . .

Me: Wow.

I’m torn. I’m inclined to not sign just on general principle. But that would likely have the effect of making future audits far less, err, friendly.

20 Responses to “Balls”

  1. ParatrooperJJ Says:

    Don’t sign. They are not your friend. I am sure they are evaluated on how many violations they find.

  2. Rustmeister Says:

    If you’re sure there are no major violations, then let them get their waiver. If you do refuse, then they think you’ve got something to hide, and they bring the XXL anal probe along with them next audit.

  3. Scott Says:

    What else does the text of the waiver allow them to do?

  4. ben Says:

    I love it. I wouldn’t sign, but that’s me. You’ve got to live with those dicks and I don’t.

  5. Gringo_Malo Says:

    NEVER give the feds consent to do anything that they’re not legally empowered to do. For how much longer does the waiver empower them to jack you around? Forever?

  6. Ninth Stage Says:

    It fucking sucks that .gov types have taken so much power that we feel scared to stand up for our rights this time for the fear that they’ll fuck us harder the next time if we do.

    I’d tell them “my lawyer told me not to sign anything before he reviewed it.”

  7. blackfork Says:

    I’d send him a video copy of Debbie Does Dallas instead with a card that says: Seasons Greetings! Then lose any paperwork they send you for a bit. Company policy you know. I’ll get right on it.

  8. trainer Says:

    I wouldn’t sign and haven’t signed.

    I jerk them around getting extensions and getting audits rescheduled. I lose paperwork and ignore fees. I negotiate with 10% being the max I will pay on any arrears. I spread out the payments for years and then pay it off…and start over again.

    In the IRS handbook, my picture is there under nightmare.

    They treat me just the same as if I was trying to be helpful.

    As flies are to little boys so are we to the IRS, they torture us for their sport.

  9. Cactus Jack Says:

    Now let me get this straight; the feds want you to grant them a waiver so that they can mess with you longer? To give them permission to fuck with you? And, if I know the feds, you will probably have to pay for the waiver. Speaking for myself, I’d tell them to fuck off. If they didnt find anything in the authorized time frame, too bad.

  10. Rob K Says:

    Tell them to send you the paper work, then “lose it in the mail”.

  11. Rabbit Says:

    The term ‘pound sand’ comes to mind.

    Regards,
    Rabbit.

  12. # 9 Says:

    Ask your company attorney to send them a letter.

    Have your attorney write that the company will comply if they will agree do such and such. The such and such is a poison pill; something they will not agree to. They will go away. They only pick low hanging fruit.

    To win against bureaucrats you have to fight them with paper.

  13. Lysander Says:

    Have them give you the blank waiver – to keep, not just a look-and-return in 5 minutes (if they want to do that, then photocopy it). Then, call an attorney that deals with the area that the IR, er, unnamed governmental agency operates in. Get the best recommendations you can on what to do after someone who has dealt with it before has looked it over.

  14. _Jon Says:

    Consider this:
    A) If you sign it and your company gets screwed, you are gonna get fired. Possibly sued.

    B) If you don’t sign it your company is going to get audited — again.

    Tell me why you would choose anything other than “B”, above.
    I would use the tactics mentioned above – involve a lawyer.

  15. straightarrow Says:

    They are unfriendly now. Do you think they are being friendly when they ask for more than the statutory time in order to find something to use against you? Could they be more unfriendly next time? I doubt it, if they are now so determined to find something even though they obviously have no reason to suspect anything is there. Remember, they already looked and if they had found anything they wouldn’t be wanting a waiver, they would be coming down on you like a ton of bricks.

    Have your attorney contact them. He will know how to refuse them. Or expose the witch hunt for a witch hunt.

  16. straightarrow Says:

    And if they had found something, they wouldn’t need a waiver. They could just follow the evidentiary trail wherever it led by filing what they found and justifying further extension.

    Lawyer up.

  17. Volunteer Voters » A Little More Time Says:

    […] Our Uncle Say is in the process of being audited by an unnamed government agency. He thought everything was hunkydory when he gets a call: Them: Well, we need to get you guys to sign a waiver as we’re approaching the end of statutory period for conducting the audit. […]

  18. The Other Mike S Says:

    I guess it all depends upon who they are. I’m in banking, and if I were asked for an extension by our regular, and I legally refused, my next exam would be a nightmare. They’d also most likely pull some random, “your numbers look funny” garbage during our next quarterly filings, and I’d have them camped out for weeks on end.

    It ain’t right, but it’s reality.

  19. Joe Huffman Says:

    Passive aggression via the company lawyer. You being an ex-shrink that should be childs play. Have fun with it but don’t let them know that.

  20. Fox Says:

    …I wonder if they read your blog, that would be real irony…

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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