Happy Turkey Day
I’m outta here. Blogging light to nonexistent until, say, Mondayish. And I shall recycle an old post with a new link:
I’ve pondered what my platform would be if I ever ran for president. And I can say that one of the things on my platform, which would buck presidential tradition, is to not pardon the Thanksgiving turkey. President Bush has pardoned two turkeys. After that, the turkeys are going to Disneyland:
The turkey at the White House really draws a crowd. When President Bush stepped into the Rose Garden on Tuesday, he found visitors in every coveted seat, reporters standing three rows deep and staff members craning for just one good glimpse. They came for one of those signature White House moments: Bush saving the life of a huge, white, gobbling bird.
Bush granted his yearly pardon to the national Thanksgiving turkey, named “May,” and a backup turkey who went unseen, who goes by “Flower.”
[…]
President Bush is set to make the traditional pardon of a Thanksgiving turkey today. But this bird isn’t heading to some petting zoo. It’s going to Disneyland.
So, here we have our big federal government wasting money on buying a turkey. Then wasting money on security and knickknacks for the ceremony. Then wasting money on a police escort to the airport. Then wasting money to fly the bird to Disneyland. But that’s not my complaint here. My complaint is the message that this sends to the world. And that message is that our president is a pussy.
Yes, a pussy.
The White House will still have a Thanksgiving dinner and that dinner will feature meat which came from slaughtered animals. And the only difference between those slaughtered animals and the turkey is that the President hasn’t met them. He hasn’t looked them in the eye. Pardoning the turkey sends the wrong message to our enemies and, most importantly, our children. Do you think radical terrorist factions are scared of a country whose leader is unwilling to kill dinner? If the president can’t order the execution of a domesticated turkey after looking it in the eye, that definitely indicates our lack of resolve and makes us appear weak.
And instilling in our children this sense that all is fair and works out in the end for turkeys is a bit much. Face it kids, that nice dinner, the tryptophan-induced nap after, all the presents, and the month long consumer orgy known as The Holidays are tied to the death of an animal. An animal that is so stupid it will drown in the rain because it will stare up into the sky. The domesticated turkey is about as smart as a stapler. Actually, staplers may be smarter. I’ve never known of one to drown.
Not only should the president order the execution of the turkeys, he should kill both gobblers himself. With his bare hands, while wearing a loin cloth. He should then rise, his body glistening with sweat and blood, and take a bite out of its head and display it proudly to the American people.
That’s what I’d do. Because I’m not a pussy.
November 21st, 2007 at 6:04 pm
You’ve got a bit of spam there. It’d probably be best just to block all .info domains. No self respecting person would actually use a domain on that TLD.
It’s the backup turkey that’s really outrageous.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:50 pm
I’m willing to write you in on a ballot just to see the spectacle of the White House press-folk shrieking in horror and being splattered as you munch on a turkey head.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:00 am
I think I just fell In Love!
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:16 am
“Not only should the president order the execution of the turkeys, he should kill both gobblers himself. With his bare hands, while wearing a loin cloth. He should then rise, his body glistening with sweat and blood, and take a bite out of its head and display it proudly to the American people.”
I’d vote to keep such a President in office for LIFE! đŸ™‚
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:38 am
I would bring the turkey out on TV and isntead of pardoning it, go al queda on it. The PETA guys would go nuts.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:44 am
I just read this to my family, and half of them are still laughing so hard that they’re crying. Thank you.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:48 am
Just wanted to make some clarifications for you.
Ok, first, they don’t buy the turkey. Its donated by the National Turkey Federation (or, actually, by one of their turkey farming members).
Nope, no extra security at all. We went through the regular visitor entrance, and the day’s normal tours were in operation. White House does similar events nearly every day the President is in DC, from the Turkey Pardoning to the Easter Egg Roll, to the baseball game and various bill signings. They all run on basically the same model, and so this event has no additional costs.
In addition, there were no knickknacks. They served hot chocolate, hot cider, and coffee. Nothing to eat (especially not turkey). I managed to take away a couple of napkins with the presidential seal (as well as two bags of equal and sweet and low, each with the seal as well. Interestingly, the Splenda was not graced by the Presidential Seal). Oh, and we all recieved a proclamation thats suitable for framing. Maybe it cost 50 cents to print up, multiplied by the 200 people there, thats about $100. Hardly anything to worry about in the grand scheme of wasteful government spending.
Then wasting money to fly the bird to Disneyland.
I had heard they flew on air force one to Disney, however I also heard there that Disney actually paid for the trip on some corporate plane. I don’t know, but I do know they were not on Marine 1 when the President left.
I don’t think any one believes Bush is a pussy. An idiot, maybe, but not a pussy.
For what its worth, btw, you can check out pics of this years Pardoning here
November 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am
Of course, I’m all for that.
In fact, I need to get a new loin cloth myself
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Stopped by to say Happy Thanksgiving!
November 26th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
I don’t care if the Busher is a pussy, I just hate that he’s so goddam stupid!
(And that he’s still president.)
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