I hate it. Can’t stand it. Tastes awful. I do, however, average about one shot per year. And this post is about that shot.
I would say Tequila tastes like hagfish slime except that we now know that tastes like eggs.
What kills me, though, is that no matter how much I tell people that I absolutely hate tequila with the fiber of my being, they still tell me that I just haven’t had good tequila yet. Invariably, I have a conversation with someone that goes like this:
Them: Oh, you’ll like this tequila it’s so smooth (Ed Note: it is usually Patrón).
Me: No, I just don’t care for tequila.
Them: No, this stuff is like $200 per bottle (Ed note: that may be wrong but is from memory but it puts at about $3.38 per ounce). Really, it’s smooth. You’ll like it!
Me: No, I won’t. I promise. You can save your $3.38. Smooth crap is still crap, it just came from a blender.
Them: Try it.
Me: No thanks. Really. You chase it with a lime for a reason, ya know. To get the taste of ass out of your mouth.
Them: Haha. No, you’ll like this. Try it. (repeat this about five times before I finally cave)
Me: Ok, but I won’t like it. (I usually cave realizing that, though it’s going to suck ass, this conversation will continue for the next two hours if I do not do a shot). And don’t act hurt when I tell you that I don’t like it.
Here’s where I take a shot, eat a lime real fast, and make the face of a man who just ate turds.
Them: You like it?
Me: No. I told you I wouldn’t. It tastes like tequila, which happens to taste like shit.
Them: You just don’t know good tequila.
Me: Oh, I know it. That was it. And it still tastes like moldy balls.
Them: You’re just uncooth.
Me: No, I just don’t like tequila. I tried to tell so you could save your $3.38.
I tried lying once stating that I did like it. But that was no good because they wanted me to do another shot. Ick.
So, World, please stop asking me to try your tequila.