World Cup Haiku
We’re not watching it
Americans hate soccer
Because it’s boring
25 Responses to “World Cup Haiku”
Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.
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June 25th, 2010 at 10:01 am
My thoughts exactly, except in Haiku. Fantastic.
June 25th, 2010 at 10:20 am
“Soccer, in other words, is a long series of busted plays, plans that don’t work, and failures of execution.”
(Michael Levin — “Capitalism and American Sports”)
Soccer sucks. It’s lame. It’s for non-Americans and other feebs. It’s a ridiculous thing to do and even more ridiculous to watch, and it is a sick mark upon these times that it is sweeping this country.
June 25th, 2010 at 10:21 am
it is, however, more exciting than baseball 😉
June 25th, 2010 at 10:25 am
Well, I understand a lot of people feel this way, but personally I love it. Soccer has so much more tension to the game than most other sports. Soccer and hockey are about all I care to watch when it comes to sports…
Too bad the shooting sports aren’t televised!
World Cup time is here
A truly beautiful game
Wait, here it comes…. GOAL!!!!!
June 25th, 2010 at 10:47 am
I am so glad that someone else isn’t watching this thing. All of my friends are just all a’flutter about it, and I’m just kind of “eh”. Any game that lasts 3 hours and can end in a tie is not a game I want to be involved in or watch. If I wanted to be bored for 3 hours, I’d watch NASCAR.
June 25th, 2010 at 11:30 am
I played soccer since I was a kid growing up overseas, and was all-state in college (what my coach said) – it’s one long whiny game of keep-away with drama-queen fouls worthy of “Glee” and some actual occasional bitchslapping thereof.
It started with a human skull being kicked about and today continues to inspire violence and xenophobia that occurs mostly in the stands among the roiling masses of drunk followers. Why have none of the postmodernist feminists deconstructed the hidden language? Because it’s played by Euroweenie Socialists.
June 25th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Baseball is a head-game, Unc. There is another whole species of feebs who play chess. Men play baseball.
June 25th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
The only three sports I watch are baseball, soccer and hockey….so I’ll just sit over in the corner with the special hat.
June 25th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I played it in grade school and high school and a little in the USAF, then coached my daughter in it, and reffed most of her games.
I guess that makes me a soccer dad, but I won’t pay to watch it, and especially now that FIFA won’t ban those damn vuvuzela horns.
June 25th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
It’s no different than the NBA, except the goals are blocked almost every possession change instead of scored.
Soccer is a lot of fun to play, but no fun to watch (unless it’s women’s soccer; you won’t find better bottom halfs in the sports world). Then again, I don’t watch any sports. What’s the point? They’re meant to be played, not watched.
June 25th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
The only thing that
I know about soccer is
Slovenia cheats
June 25th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Lil girls loudly squeal
Running after soccer ball
So bored, must sleep now.
June 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Soccer and baseball have a LOT in common with guns. The people who complain the most about them seem to not know much about them nor show any interest in learning.
June 25th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Communist Kickball
Why don’t I like it?
Zero – Zero ties
June 25th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
I rest my case.
There aren’t any more ties. Every game from here out has a winner. Why is it so hard to understand that the draw being part of the qualifying rounds is a good thing?
It recognizes that you don’t get the reward that the team that accomplishes a very hard thing (scoring more goals than the other team at the international level) if you only fend off the other team without risking anything yourself.
Just goes to show, the average idiot American can’t understand anything that isn’t black and white and involves a winner and a loser everytime.
The world doesn’t work that way. Why shouldn’t sport?
June 25th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
So two teams duke it out and wind up tied – no team is clearly better. They play an overtime period – still tied. A winner must be determined, so they go to penalty kicks? Wait, what? How is that a good determination of a winner? Play on, ala NHL rules.
When you say things like “average American idiot, it really comes across as pleading, and less than favorably.
There’s nothing wrong with ties at all. Zero – Zero ties are mind numbingly boring, though.
June 26th, 2010 at 6:44 am
Any sport that airs without commercials and can potentially star a war between countries is good by me.
June 26th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Dear SebastianWhoseAssIsShowing: it’s a fucking rectangle with a hole at each end and a clock. Right away, this puts it in the same stupid bag as hockey, basketball and football. At least, however, it mangles the nature of the human body. So there: it’s got that going for it.
Don’t even try to come off like soccer is sophisticated. It’s just bullshit, and so are you.
June 26th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Yup, soccer sucks.
June 26th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
While I agree with you that they should just play on, I don’t see that as any more an indictment of the entire sport than say…an NFL game running out of clock and ending in a tie as happened famously to the Philly Eagles a couple years back.
Pleading for what, pray tell? For an uneducated buffoon to abandon his myopic boorishness? Meh. I really couldn’t care less, but I do find it amusing that the Billy Becks of the world get so miffed when their illiterate provincialism is exposed.
As for zero zero ties, they’re not necessarily boring if both teams are creating scoring chances–the entertainment is found in the rising and falling tension and the strategic chess match elements.
I’m not even sure that represents a coherent thought. Certainly not much of a compelling argument. “I don’t even remotely understand it nor care to try…but it’s not sophisticated”. Yawn…
June 26th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
“…but I do find it amusing that the Billy Becks of the world get so miffed when their illiterate provincialism is exposed.”
{laff, laff, laff}
Wanna compare passports, sonny?
June 27th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Now that’s funny…for me,the lack of interest in soccer is a resistance to the “Let’s be more like Europe” thing…as someone who wrote better than I wrote, “Our long apprenticeship to the European continent is over.”…if that attitude is provincial, well, that’s okay…
June 27th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
At least Don will admit it. 🙂 The “let’s be more like Europe” thing is largely a fabrication of the same paranoid mentality that sees a OneWorlder cabal around every corner, but kudos for admitting it’s a cultural predisposition and not so much about the game itself.
As for your passport, Billy, not sure what in it will exculpate your obvious, obdurate refusal to bother consider anything that exists beyond your nose as possibly being worthwhile and the ridiculous, unsupportable generalizations you’ve made since comment #2. What’s hilarious is you rightly and correctly acknowledge the strategic elements that make baseball fascinating–and yet you ignore the same in association football. Hilarious.
Just be a man and admit it: you’re another goon who thinks “America rules, the rest of the world sucks, so if it’s popular elsewhere, my bigoted knee jerk reaction is to hate it”. You’ll still be a goon, but at least you’ll be an intellectually honest one.
June 28th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Since nobody else has done this yet, I will. Sorry, Seb. H/T to libertarian Lean Left commenter Judd.
June 28th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
And for what it’s worth, soccer would be a very exciting game if they managed to fix the incredibly fucking stupid offsides rule. Every time something exciting starts to happen in a soccer game, somebody’s offside, and what threatened to be compelling action is nullified and called to a grinding halt. Unless, of course, the offside player is from Argentina….