Unsolicited advice to stupid people
Do not stand in doorways. And when someone happens along and politely says “pardon me”, don’t look at them like you’re trying to figure out who the stupid person is. It’s you.
27 Responses to “Unsolicited advice to stupid people”
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January 23rd, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I would add “Don’t park in the fire lane and then act bewildered when people give you the evil eye.”
January 23rd, 2012 at 12:58 pm
These are the same idiots that stop in the middle
of an aisle at the market to “think” for a while, meanwhile blocking the aisle for all others.
Similarly, stopping to chat with another idiot while blocking the aisle.
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Don’t go to a University then. Had to yell at kids all the time to move when my knee was acting up and I was trying to hobble through the Handicapped Doorway where they would be standing and Texting and Blathering.
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Dear Miss Manners,
If I’m driving and don’t know whether I want to take the exit or now, for how long can I block the exit lane with my car while I think about it?
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Amen.
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:33 pm
You must have gone to Walmart. Roger describes a good trip to Walmart.
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:38 pm
And when moving through a doorway, don’t stop just on the other side to chat, move out of the funnel.
Oh, and don’t race up in the left lane then slow to pace someone in their blind spot, especially 18-wheeler. This goes double for you Maryland drivers.
January 23rd, 2012 at 1:48 pm
My favorites are the idiots who pass you because they cant stand following people, get in front of you, and then slow down to a speed that is comfortable to them.
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Sunday made me think of a good one along these lines:
When the Prius is tailgating the hell out of your rusted out BroncoII, you’re driving too damn slow.
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:20 pm
I thought that move was a PA specific thing.
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:31 pm
When you’re walking in a hallway, please keep pace with me or move to the right.
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I used to say “pardon me.” in those situations. Now I say “You’re in the way.”
I still get a look, but it’s way more entertaining for me.
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Best example of this I ever saw was in the Chicago airport, when a group of a dozen people all stopped at the bottom of an escalator trying to figure out where to go next. The next 50 people rammed into them, through them, and past them cursing and yelling before they realized they were in the way and there were another 50 people, and another 50 people, and another 50 people coming down that escalator.
January 23rd, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Mikee,
Same thing happened to me at a baseball game. Long line of people on the escalator, idiot gets to the bottom and stops, leaving the dozen or so behind him with no place to go. I was right behind him and shoved him out of the way. He jumped up ready to fight, only to go nose-to-nose with a security guard who escorted HIM out of the building.
The applause I got from the people behind me made my day!
January 23rd, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Best crash I ever saw was at the airport in ATL – three women walking along towing their carry-on wheeled suitcases. They arrived at a spot where the arrivals and departures were displayed at the side, and all three turned 90 degrees to look at the display and stopped, instantly going from maybe 2 feet to 5 or 6 feet wide – each – and totally blocking the corridor. They definitely looked bewildered as the thundering herd trampled them and their suitcases, but they sure didn’t get any sympathy from the folks who were barking their shins and tripping over the suitcases, handles, etc.
January 23rd, 2012 at 4:15 pm
What I’d like to know is why whenever I’m walking along a corridor, near the wall to go at my own pace and keep out of everyone else’s way, if a woman is coming in my direction in the middle of the hall, she always, ALWAYS, immediately moves to my side of the hall and tries to squeeze (I’ve literally had them try to force themselves with shoves) between my body and the wall. I am not a handsome Hollywood heartthrob, so I know it can’t be physical attraction. I used to move aside, but I’ve gotten so sick of it that I simply stop walking and stand my ground. They will stop right in front of me, almost nose-to-nose, give me a dirty look and walk stomp around me.
January 23rd, 2012 at 4:30 pm
So many people invoking the Divine Right of Obstruction, so little time.
My “favorite” is a long line of people moving 5, 6, 7 abreast as if they were the Giants executing a blitz. I alwys select the weakest-looking “link” and break the line.
January 23rd, 2012 at 4:38 pm
There really are other people on the planet, even though some people act as if there weren’t.
January 23rd, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Folks in the elevator lobby that insist on getting into the elevator as soon as the doors open without seeing nor caring if anyone is exiting said elevator first.
It’s awesome to let them get on, then slowly exit.
January 23rd, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I’m not trained by the military, but I once barked out the Navy/Marine’s “MAKE A HOLE!” command to some idiot protestors in San Francisco and behold they parted and let me through their street march/mobile obstruction.
I guess a command voice does work sometimes on those with feeble minds (like the Force). Actually, it was probably the smart thing for them to do back then.
January 23rd, 2012 at 7:03 pm
For some reason, around here, people basically refuse to use the sidewalks. We’re required by the city to have them, maintain them, and keep them clear, yet there are people walking four and five wide down the middle of the street, around the cars that are parked in the street because they’re not allowed to block the sidewalk. Try driving here, you’re dodging cars, joggers, baby strollers, etc, meanwhile the sidewalks remain clear and unused.
January 23rd, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Warning shots should be authorized.
January 23rd, 2012 at 8:54 pm
“Excuse me!” is a polite euphemism for “get the fuck outta my way!”…
January 23rd, 2012 at 9:38 pm
One thing that I’ve noticed, is that if a man holds a door open for you, he will be standing to side, leaving the doorway itself clear. But if a woman holds a door open for you, she will usually stand right in the middle of the doorway until you grasp the door yourself and make eye contact with her.
January 23rd, 2012 at 10:29 pm
@Laughingdog: That Prius was backwashing. Getting another 5-10 mpg by tailing you that close.
January 24th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
People stopping and clumping up in doorways and archways and other chokepoints is a recognized human characteristic. Architects are taught this as part of their design classes. I forget the underlining psychology of it.
January 24th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
The “underlying psychology” may best be summed up at the beginning of Genesis 11.