It’s not a bug, it’s a feature (or 20 synonyms for fart)
One thing that people will warn you about when considering a bully type dog is that they tend to be a bit flatulent. Supposedly, they toot a lot. When our non-bully dog (Politically Correct Dog) strips a gear, it usually goes like this:
The family is watching a movie when suddenly Politically Correct Dog’s ears perk up and he runs away quickly. Then, you can count to about seven or so and you smell the result of his booty burp. Politically Correct Dog doesn’t really have a warning system for his barking spiders because him leaving the room may mean that he hears a noise and doesn’t necessarily denote a bratwurst bugle. He’s silent but violent.
The same situation with Politically Incorrect Dog (our bully) is different. See, Politically Incorrect Dog comes equipped with anal acoustics. When he rips a bubbler, everyone in the house knows exactly what happened. This warning system is awesome as it gives you ample time to prepare yourself for the pungency of his fartvergnugen. When you hear his butt trumpets, you have time to clear the area. And boy should you. It’s not that bullies let loose with low flying geese any more often but their fannytosis is usually loud.
What is particularly funny, is that his poots often surprise him. Suddenly, he takes a keen interest in his nether regions (as if to say Now, what the Hell was that?) for about 0.5 seconds before running like the wind he just broke. It is not uncommon for his air biscuits to awaken him (and the household) from a slumber.
I don’t think that Politically Incorrect Dog cuts muffins any more than Politically Correct Dog. It’s just that when he shoots bunnies, it’s louder. Mind you, no matter which dog steps on a duck, it smells like ass.
I have noticed Politically Incorrect Dog and Politically Correct Dog crank out a lot more duck calls since Mrs. Uncle is pregnant.
March 30th, 2004 at 3:28 pm
heehee…never heard of “booty burp” before. That’s a good’n.
Don’t forget: “ass-trumpet” and “tailwind”
March 30th, 2004 at 3:29 pm
Sorry, didn’t see butt-trumpet. I should have had more confidence in you.
Which reminds me: You know why trees around here stink so bad?
They just stand around breaking wind all day.
March 30th, 2004 at 4:06 pm
According to my wife, our dog (Lab-looking pound-puppy) farts CONSTANTLY. She (the dog) does it quietly, so I never hear it, and my sense of smell is weak, so I don’t usually smell it.
It makes the Mrs. want to gag, though.
March 30th, 2004 at 4:37 pm
Our whippets used to bake brownies all the time, to the point it was embarrassing to have company over. At each family pausing point (by the bed, by all chairs near the TV), we had air freshener on the ready. They sometimes surprised themselves with their own tutelage.
Anyway, unrelated to that, they began to find all kinds of ways out of the fence, so I took the fence down and stopped letting them out off-leash. Mysteriously they quit popping tarts. The moral of the story? Avert your eyes if you’re easily grossed out. Turns out they were cleaning up after themselves when we weren’t watching. Since they can’t eat butt muffins now, they’ve toned down. They still shock us from time to time, especially when we’re all relaxed on the bed and the spray is out of reach.
March 30th, 2004 at 5:04 pm
Our dog (a boxer) has earned the nickname “Toots” because he does it constantly and it peels paint. He usually only does it when he’s sleeping or about to fall asleep. You don’t hear it, but you know it immediately when he does it.
My wife always knows when I’m blaming the dog for my own frappuccino, because mine are usually audible, whereas the dog’s are not.
March 30th, 2004 at 6:49 pm
Growing up, we had a golden retriever who would perform drive-by’s.
She would get up from where she was laying, walk in to where you were, let one rip, and then walk away, wagging her tail.
The folks have a pug, now. I was there around Christmas, and the pug surprises me one morning by running upstairs and getting in bed with me.
I’m lying there, almost asleep again, when I hear “pffft.” I’d almost dismissed it for the dog moving against the fabric of the bedspread, when the smell hit me. It was like a tire fire and a chicken coop, all rolled into one horrible smell.
March 31st, 2004 at 5:37 pm
You also forgot “make a fluffy” and “using jet propulsion.”
April 2nd, 2004 at 7:24 am
Hooo! Now, that’s some funny sh.. uh, stuff.
April 2nd, 2004 at 11:26 pm
We have a 5 year old tiger striped brendle colored pitbull named Bear. His shear muscular stance is intimidating to most people. You’d think he’d have a caboose rumbler like a volcano, but he’s known for his silent but deadly slip ups while then pretending to be asleep! But whenever he does let forth a roar,…it startles him in the same way you described about your dog. HILARIOUS STUFF!