1. Correlation does not equal causation. But that doesn’t go far enough and apparently nothing causes anything. Seriously, guns don’t prevent crimes; tax cuts don’t affect the economy; water doesn’t cause wetness.

2. The phrases mean republicans and stupid democrats apparently pass for insightful commentary in some circles. More importantly, by uttering one of these phrases, you have won the debate.

3. A slight rip-off of Godwin’s Law, I introduce SayUncle’s Not-So-Much-A-Law-Really-But-Maybe-Just-General-Smarminess: As a blog discussion between a liberal and conservative grows longer, the probability of the phrase Well, Clinton . . . appearing approaches one.

4. Apparently, everything is a fallacy. But fallacies are also apparently fallacious. Which, therefore, makes all fallacies fallacy fallacies. As such, all arguments are therefore true. Or false. Or discredited. Or, you know, not so much.

5. If I engage you in an argument and you are a Republican/Democrat, then I must be a raving moonbat/extremist wingnut.

6. Similarly, if I am not a Republican, I must be a bunny-hugging liberal. Or if I am not a Democrat, I must be a right wing extremist.

7. To matter of factly prove my point, I only need one other person to agree with me. It helps if they have a syndicated column or a webpage.

8. People can Google up a webpage to prove anything. People can also Google up a webpage to disprove the thing you proved.

9. The word Nigger can either be racist or not, depending on who is using the word and in what context. However, the Confederate Flag is always racist no matter who displays it. As a result, there are a lot of racist museums.

10. If you want to keep the money you earn, you are greedy. If you want to pay taxes for essential services provided by the government, you are stupid.

11. All Republicans are greedy, mean-spirited pricks incapable of compassion.

12. All Democrats are stupid, illogical simpletons incapable of rational thought.

13. John McCain is not a greedy, mean-spirited prick incapable of compassion.

14. Zell Miller is not a stupid, illogical simpleton incapable of rational thought.

15. Taking the words written in the Constitution to mean what they say makes you an extremist.

16. If you disagree with a blogger and inform said blogger of such a disagreement in the comments section of their blog (which they provide in order to, you know, allow people to comment) then you are a troll. However, if you agree with said blogger and inform said blogger of such an agreement in the comments section of their blog, you offer insightful commentary.

17. If you are an absolutist with respect to the First Amendment, you are perfectly normal. However, if you are an absolutist with respect to the Second and Tenth Amendments, you are an extremist.

18. If you disagree with me, you must be an extremist.

19. If you can see things in black-and-white in any case, you are a simpleton. Or maybe an extremist.

20. If I initiate a debate with you, I am attacking you personally. However, if you engage me in a debate, then we’re just having a discussion.

So, what have you learned?

Update: Make it 21 things:

21. If I fail to mention something, I am wrong. As such, in this post I failed to mention a recipe for Italian wedding soup. I am therefore wrong.

Posted in uncategorized on August 4th, 2005 by SayUncle | RSS 2.0 |