Another installment of vomit from my mind.

No, Mr. Spam Man, the number one rule of investing is Don’t buy stocks based on tips you get from spammers via email.

Fucking windows. No, not that kind but same to them. New house has a lot of windows. Blinds and window treatments cost a small fortune.

The wife wants to put up Christmas decorations this weekend. God help me. She’s cool with the rule and I told her any decorations not going out will go to the trash.

A particular company that processes data with whom I deal with regularly sends me so much mail that I cannot possibly read all of it. They charge fees per task. Each particular task results in a bill. They send me a bill, for example, for $4. They’re called statements, guys. Get with the 1990s.

To the annoyed lady in the Buick at the 4 way stop: Yes, I know it was my turn to go. You were impatient and angry with me as I did not go but instead motioned you go go. You see, you’re driving a Buick, which is nature’s way of warning other drivers that you’re a danger to them. That and the blue hair. So, I did realize it was my turn. I did not let you go first because I was nice; rather, I let you because I assumed you couldn’t drive.

Speaking of 4 way stops, let’s just dispatch with the real legal rule about right of way and incorporate the way it really is into law: shittiest car goes first.

Plasma TeeVees: Despite being thinner than regular TeeVees, they sure do seem to weigh a lot more. And, despite being thinner, the manufacturers put them in boxes about four times the size of the TeeVee.

Never, ever pull someone’s finger. No good can come of it.

I am no longer amazed by statistical improbability in poker games. You’ll recall my bad beat here. I had two more at the GBR in Reno that cost me about $600. But, last week, I was dealt pocket kings three hands in a row (won one, lost two but still came out ahead). Tuesday night, I was dealt 7/4 three times in a row. Each is probably as likely (though, I’d say two kings is slightly less likely due the fact that up to 8 cards make 7/4 but only four make KK – I could calculate it but that’s no fun) but only one amazed me.

The AP:

Nine states approved eminent-domain measures barring the government from taking private property for a private use.

And hats off to Arizona for being the only state not afraid of gay cooties.

And good for the poker lobby for unseating 15 term congressmonkey Jim Leach. Otis says:

In a race that Republicans ignored because they didn’t think it could be lost, in a race the national media ignored because they didn’t see it as a potential pick-up for Democrats, in a race that even the candidate didn’t think he could lose, Rep. James Leach (R-IA) lost his seat to a guy named Loebsack.

A lot of people I know, who ordinarily vote Republican, have said the one thing that will cause them to either 1) not vote or 2) vote for Democrats is, believe it or not, the recently passed poker bill. Tom expressed the same thing a while back but I can’t find the post because the search feature is busted. Seriously. They don’t like nannies from either side of the aisle. Now, it looks like the poker lobby has set their sites on political races. Good.

If America gave a rat’s ass what the world thought, we’d use the metric system.

The online poker ban is stupid. It had the effect of devastating a few British companies and the Brits aren’t taking it lying down. There will be a summit:

Britain’s culture secretary on Friday compared the U.S. crackdown on online gambling to the failed alcohol ban of the Prohibition as she prepared to host an international summit on Internet gambling next week.

Tessa Jowell warned that the U.S. ban on Internet gambling would make unregulated offshore sites the “modern equivalent of speakeasies,” illegal bars that opened in 1920s America when alcohol was banned.

U.S. Congress caught the gambling industry by surprise earlier this month when it added to an unrelated bill a provision that would make it illegal for banks and credit-card companies to settle payments for online gambling sites. President Bush signed the law Oct. 14.

The decision closed off the most lucrative region in a market worth $15.5 billion this year in “spend” value – the amount gambling companies win from their clients, or the amount gamblers lose.

First of all, Britain has a culture secretary? Well, it’s broken. Hope you kept a receipt.

As I said, it’s a stupid law and I agree with (shiver) British culture secretary. But I don’t really see the US government giving much of a damn about an international gambling summit.

Lately (and entirely due to this blog), I’ve been getting a few requests from reporters to talk to them (I’ve had them in the past but they seem more frequent now). For example, one lady from the Wall Street Journal wanted to talk to me about the poker bill. I told her I blogged about it but was probably not the best and referred her to some poker players I know. Now, I have one from a New York paper that wants to talk about the Mayors Alliance Against Guns. My inclination generally is to decline for the following reasons:

So, it is with reservation that I even consider talking to the press. Am I paranoid? A bit. The downside, of course, is that I am missing the opportunity to speak truth to power. So, what are your thoughts?

Some stuff since the Republicans decided that we can’t spend our own money on entertainment by banning banks from engaging in transactions with illegal gambling sites. Illegal gambling being undefined.

Up For Poker has an FAQ on the new bill.

Neteller, the last hope for online transactions, pusses out.

David Post says outlines the stupidity of the bill.

The NYT says it could cost the Republicans some seats. I hope so.

At the Gunbloggers Rendezvous. Blogging will resume later. Off to a poker tourney.

CJ has the dope:

The banking industry response to the Internet Gambling Prohibition Act is something in which we can take some heart. The banks were initially afraid the bill would hold them liable for not enforcing the law. Now, bankslawyers are telling them that it appears the banks’ exposure is limited.

Full Tilt Poker issued a statement:

In the short term, we assure you that your online experience at Full Tilt Poker will not change. You will still be able to deposit and withdraw money from the site using the same methods and payment processors you have always used, and your money will remain completely safe and secure. We cannot predict how the online poker experience may change in the future, but we do not expect any immediate impact from the legislation, as the banking industry has 270 days to implement new rules after the bill is signed.

I have a confession. I like to play poker. Not that I’m all that good at it, but I like it. I’ve been tempted to try my chops at online poker but, thanks to the US congress, that urge will no longer be an option:

To summarize what was passed, this bill is designed to prevent the use of payment instruments (credit cards, fund transfers, etc.) for certain forms of online gambling that are defined as “unlawful Internet gambling.” The bill requires financial institutions to identify and block payments related to so-called unlawful Internet gambling transactions. If there is a violation, the government may file a lawsuit (known as an injunction) to prevent or restrain the violation. The bill provides a special exemption for three types of Internet gambling: (1) horse racing under the Interstate Horseracing Act (IHA), so OTBs and account wagering systems can remain in business, (2) Indian gambling that takes place on a reservation or between two reservations; and (3) Internet gambling that occurs solely within a state’s own borders, referred to as Intra-state gambling.

The bill doesn’t define “unlawful Internet gambling”. So, I guess he horseracing folks have some pull, since it is a sport for rich dudes. Anyway, it’s a stupid bill.

The bill passed by an overwhelming margin because it was attached to a port security bill. CJ says:

What this Congress is saying, then, is that it is more important to attack the scourge of online gaming than it is to make sure our buses and trains do not blow up. This is the Congress we elected. This is the Congress we have to get rid of.

Terry Frank tells us that all Tennessee congress monkeys voted for it, except for Jenkins. Good for Jenkins. (Update: Terry comments that Jenkins was a no vote and not a nay – that is, the dude didn’t vote not that he voted no. Stupid reading comprehension).

Party Gaming, the largest online gambling site, issued a statement:

After taking extensive legal advice, the Board of PartyGaming Plc has concluded that the new legislation, if signed into law, will make it practically impossible to provide US residents with access to its real money poker and other real money gaming sites. As a result of this development, the Board of PartyGaming has determined that if the President signs the Act into law, the Company will suspend all real money gaming business with US residents, and such suspension will continue indefinitely, subject to clarification of the interpretation and enforcement of US law and the impact on financial institutions of this and other related legislation. Access to PartyGaming’s online gaming sites for the Group’s US free play customers will be unaffected. Access for all of PartyGaming’s non-US customers will also be unaffected.

The back-alley sports-book and poker games will be on the uptick. Poker is now more popular than it ever has been and there will be an expansion of criminal activity as a result of this legislation. Yes, illegal gambling has been around but, with poker’s popularity, it’s bound to increase.

CJ (who I think is that CJ) notes that the ban on online gambling is rearing its ugly head again:

Over the past 24 hours, there have been a series of reports telling us that the dreaded internet gambling bill is both alive and dead. In recent weeks, we’ve reported that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) had hoped to sneak the gambling bill into the massive Defense Department 2007 Appropriations Bill.

That bill has now passed through the conference committee, but it doesn’t seem to be headed for guaranteed passage, nor is it clear that the gambling bill will ever be attached. Currently, House Republican leaders are holding up the bill hoping to add unrelated bills on immigration and court security.

So, today I signed up for one of those online poker sites. I’ve been playing the free tables since the last thing an unemployed person needs to do is take up a new hobby that costs money. Well, I’ve turned my fake $1,000 into fake $45,474. This tells me one of two things: Either I am a good poker player or the types that play on free tables are bad poker players. I’m betting the latter.

True story and rare poker blogging

I play Texas Hold ‘em poker with friends on occasion and this really happened. I’m dealt a pocket pair of fours. With a pair (even a low one), I’ll stay in at least for the flop. So, I do and flop is most kind when it reveals another four, a five and a face card. Three of a kind on the flop, I think. Sweet. Now, not to overplay and scare folks whose money I want off, I slow play a bit. Everyone folds but me and one guy. The turn turns out to be another four. Sweet, four of a kind. I am invincible! I bet more aggressively. The opponent stays in. The river, another five. You play four of a kind to win because the odds dictate you do that. I’m all in. My opponent is too. I assume he’s riding a face card full house or he’s overplaying a three of a kind.

He flips over a pocket pair of fives. Son of a bitch. Four fours beat by four fives. He looks at me and says: Look on the bright side. That will probably never happen to you again as long as you live.

Every other Saturday, me and my homies get together to play some Texas Hold ‘Em. And by play some Texas Hold ‘Em, I mean we sit around, talk shit, and drink adult beverages. There’s usually between five and eight guys and we put in $10, winner take all. It never works that way because the house rules have some low blinds, which makes the game last longer than it should. Usually the top two guys wind up splitting. I was always one of the top two guys. But the last two times, I came in third. I’ve lost my mojo. I think it happened when my brother-in-law really bluffed the shit out of me and then showed me his cards to rub it in. Anyway, here’s hoping I get my mojo back.

Last game, one of my buds said that he thought my posts about Laurie Berkner’s kind-of-hotness were funny. I told him I was serious (girls got moves). He almost fell out of his seat laughing. Then, day before yesterday, my wife asks me who this Laurie Berkner person is that I was yammering on about on my blog. I told her it was some lady who sings kids’ songs on Noggin. She didn’t know who she was. Yesterday, one of Laurie’s videos came on during Jack’s Big Music Show (which Junior happens to love) and I said That’s Laurie Berkner! She looked at me like I was nuts and said she’s not hot. I said She’s kinda hot.

The wife then tells me that it’s not any jealousy sort of thing. And tells me that she knows I find Lucy Liu hot and she concurs that Lucy Liu is in fact hot. However, she says Laurie Berkner definitely is not hot. So, maybe it is just me.