American Idol
It’s back. I always watch the first few episodes because I like the tryouts. Guilty pleasure. But to would-be contestants, here’s a tip:
I know matter-of-factly that I don’t have a very good singing voice. I have a deep voice and a limited range. Most songs are out of my range and if I try to extend my vocal capabilities beyond my range, I sound like Homer Simpson. The reason I know this is because I’ve actually heard myself sing. It’s true. I have recorded myself singing and listened to it (from my band days) and I know I’m not good. So, before strolling in front of Simon and all, listen to yourself or you may well be a laughingstock.
January 31st, 2007 at 12:22 pm
The fact the cat isn’t out of the bag about American Idol is beyond me.
I know someone who auditioned, and didn’t make the cut to actually be on the show (these initial auditions are NOT in front of Simon, the annoying black dude who breaks into ebonics when talking to the black performers, and Paula Abdul…you’re just performing for producers and their lackeys, a 1000 people an hour going through that). However, this person is actually an exceptionally talented singer who’s been recorded, performed professionally covering songs, and has an amazing voice. (She’s also pretty damn hot for a mother of two).
In short, she’s better than ALL of the rejects, and most of the real performers who make the cut as well.
Now, ask yourself–why is it that she didn’t make the cut but the fat chick and the guy with the bug eyes and the retarded guys who can’t sing and drool and drag their knuckles do get on the show?
The answer is simple–they INTENTIONALLY pick the retards who have no talent for the express purpose of humiliating them on national TV so that brain dead Americans will tune in (and, of course, people like Uncle who just stop by while surfing channels 😉 ).
They could fill the show with all talented people, as they certainly reject plenty, but they recognize that people most tune in to see the morons who have no business in front of a camera. These buffoons know they’re the butt of the joke, but they don’t care. Screw em.
American Idol is perhaps the surest sign that I’ve seen that the America haters of the world are on to something–our culture really is sickening sometimes.
January 31st, 2007 at 12:34 pm
I was gonna say that but it sounded mean. They do have a formula for who is on:
fat girl who can sing
fat girl who can’t sing
flaming homosexual with no talent who is not afraid to get up in judges’ face
pick young hottie with no rythm and no voice
pick the occasional rapper wannabe
emotional sob story from contestant who can sing
emotional sob story from contestant who can’t sing
They have that every season, it seems.
January 31st, 2007 at 2:55 pm
What’s funny is that I think most people probably do grasp a little of what my rather attractive-but-married-to-someone-else-what-a-waste-of-those-tremendous-cans friend experienced…but much like we pretend or suspend disbelief when we go to the movies and see Will Smith or Bruce Willis or Steven Seagal shoot a bad guy 200 yds away dead center with a pistol every time…we also suspend our disbelief and pretend that those fat girls and retarded bug eyed guys are really actually “auditioning” for Simon Cowell.
Simon, BTW, is on my short list of “people to kill when the doctor says you have a brain tumor that will kill you in the next six weeks.” Not cause he’s mean. Hell….I’m mean too.
He’s just that annoying…to think that his ass got so rich telling other people what they should or shouldn’t like. Fuck.
January 31st, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Are you kidding? Simon has what is essentially my dream job. He gets to tell people with overinflated feelings of self-worth exactly how much they suck.
Come on, how is that not the finest thing ever?
January 31st, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Its entertainment.
Don’t see why anyone is upset with anything, and can’t believe anyone would think it wasn’t fixed to a certain extent.
February 1st, 2007 at 6:06 am
Yeah, pretty much.
It just seems to me all the ninny handwringing over the judges being “too mean” seems to presuppose that these people don’t know what they’re in for or that their express purpose for being there IS to be humiliated on national TV by some pompous asswipe.
February 1st, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I do enjoy the results of American Idol, even though I’ve never seen even half an episode.
I enjoy the work of the contestants who have won (and nearly won).
I like “pop” music. Both of the chicks who have won have produced some music I enjoy. And their presence makes their videos easy to watch….
There’s a video of Kelly here doing an acoustic:
http://lettersfromnyc.mu.nu/archives/213700.php
That’s pretty damned good for range, emotion, and presenting.